Ang sarili kong mundo

Dear 2023, Well, that was fast. Anyway, I just want you to know that you aren't my best year, but you aren't the worst either. Let's just say that you made me cry a lot. And I will never ever forgive you for that. Just kidding. We're already even. I honestly want to thank you because of that. Because you made me cry numerous times, you also made me want to go on adventures. You made me want to go to places that I've never been before. You made me realize how helpful Google Maps is. That's why I'm welcoming 2024 with an empty pocket. Just kidding. It seems that all the money that I saved in the past few years I spent them all with you. But that's okay. At least my stomach is full, as well as my phone gallery.  I had many plans before you even began. I will do this. I will pursue this. I have to take this route. But what happened? It only goes to show that no matter what my plans are, in the end, God's will will always prevail. And who am I to complain

Merry Christmas, everyone. In just two days, we will be celebrating the coming of Jesus once again. Families will gather at one table again. Friends will reunite. Christmas parties are everywhere. Unlimited chit-chats from people who haven't seen each other for quite a while. The exchanging of gifts. Christmas is probably the busiest day of the year for some people. While for some, they treat Christmas as a normal day. We all have different approaches when it comes to celebrating Christmas. Others spend it alone by choice, while others are alone because the circumstances don't allow them to spend it with their loved ones. There are people who will be celebrating Christmas this year unlike any other Christmas. Perhaps some just had welcome a new family member. So they will be celebrating Christmas a lot more special with their new bundle of joy. Or it's their first Christmas to spend in their new home. On the other hand, there are some who will be welcoming Christmas in a so

When I was a kid, I really believed that Santa Claus existed. I would secretly hang a plastic bag somewhere in our house, hoping that when I woke up the next morning, there would be a gift inside. But in the span of my childhood, there were only two times when there was something inside the plastic bag. One was a PHP10.00 bill. Which, by the way, was already a large amount during that time. I could already purchase a luxury car. Just kidding. Anyway, the second gift was a xylophone. It was from my aunt. It has keys of several nursery songs that I could practice. I was ecstatic when I saw it in the morning. Now that I'm an adult, I sometimes wonder what if I hang a plastic bag on Christmas Eve. Will there be a gift waiting for me when I wake up? But seriously, as a grownup, it's really hard to tell what gift I want to receive. Then I ask myself why I need to receive or ask for a gift. I'm not the one celebrating my birthday. Plus, as an adult, the things that I want to recei

It all went wrong when I finished my studies. When I thought that late night studying for exams and early class the next day were the hardest things to manage. Oh! The things I am willing to exchange just to get back to those days again. It all went wrong when I thought that landing a job was a piece of cake. I thought that it was only a matter of time and I will soon be able to find a job. 11 years after, here I am still unemployed. It all went wrong when I expected too much from people. When I thought that I meant to them as much as they do to me. When I thought that my mistakes would be overlooked. Cause why not? I was still a child. It all went wrong when everything has changed right before my very eyes. I thought that things will never turned out the way they do now. But, hey! You know what they say. "The only constant thing in the world is change." It all went wrong when I crave peace over anything. When I expected people to have compassion on other human being. When I

How to be okay with the things that you're not okay with? Hmmm... Honestly, it's hard. But it's possible. Sometimes life seems to be difficult to handle, including people. They have their own way of disappointing us. As much as possible we want to avoid the feelings that we feel towards a certain situation, but we just can't. We have to bear the pain. We have to deal with the situation whether we like it or not. We have to act okay with the things that we're not okay with, even though inside we're dying. We have to pretend we're not hurt. We have to act normal like nothing is wrong. Even if all we want to do is scream at the top of our lungs. We want to scream out of anger, disappointment and pain. But we cannot. We should not. We don't have to.  Every time we feel that way, we have to hide our true feelings. Even though we know that what we feel is valid, at the back of our mind there's this voice that tells us we're only being sensitive. That w

If I had the ability to time travel, I would choose to go back in the past. I wouldn't change a single thing. I just want to revisit those moments when life seemed to be so easy to navigate, when everything was still smooth sailing. I would revisit my childhood, specifically. That was the time when life and especially people were so easy to deal with. I would like to go back in time when I could still justify my bad behavior, because "I am just a kid." I didn't have to think of and deal with the consequences of my actions then.  I just want to experience again what it feels like to be a child. When the hardest decision I had to make was what color I had to use on my drawing. How to be careless. No responsibilities. No expectation from myself. Not caring what other people would think if I made a mistake. Not pressuring myself to figure out how I can create a beautiful life for myself. I kinda miss those times when overthinking and PMS weren't in my vocabulary. I wa

Forgiveness is definitely one of the hardest to give. It's easy to say that you've forgiven someone who has hurt you deeply. But the real question is how genuine the forgiving is. It's not that easy to forgive someone especially if you cannot forget the damage they did to you. It's like every time you try to convince yourself that you should forgive them, because holding a grudge isn't beneficial, what they did to you keeps replaying in your head. You know you have to forgive for your own peace of mind, but most often than not it's easier said than done. You cannot force yourself to do something you don't feel like doing. It's hard to get past something especially if it had made a great impact in your life. Forgiveness only happens when you can finally let go of the grudge you've been holding on to towards the other person. It happens when you see the person who created a scar in your heart and they no longer get on your nerves. You're not mad an

Last November 8, 2023, I had the opportunity to visit Van Gogh Alive at BGC Arts Center in Taguig. It's an exhibit of Van Gogh's masterpieces through multi-sensory storytelling.  The exhibit opened on October 20, 2023 and will run for a limited time only. I think until December. It has been shown in other parts of the world and now it's here in the Philippines for the second time. The last time I wasn't able to catch it. So now I didn't waste any chance to visit it.  Basically, Van Gogh Alive is showcasing the masterpieces of Vincent Van Gogh and learning about his life. It has 5 areas. The first one is the Introduction Hall.  This is where you can learn or familiarize yourself about the life of Vincent Van Gogh. This is where some of his remarkable works are displayed with the story behind each of them. You can learn about his life and the struggles that he faced. About how he started painting. You can also find out his inspirations behind his beautiful creations. 

There comes a point in a person's life when she would feel lost. She doesn't know what she's doing. She has no idea which way to go. She has a hard time processing all that's been going on around her. Oftentimes she wonder if life is still worth living. It feels like her life is in an autopilot. She's been doing pretty much the same routine every day. But no matter how lost she might feel, she keeps on going. She takes life as it is day by day. She let life surprise her with its turn of events. She's not expecting anything. She has still a lot to learn, but she's already seen enough to know that life isn't always good. She knows that bad days happen. That is inevitable. The good thing about the bad days is that she knows that better days are coming. Cause nothing is permanent.  The struggles that she has to overcome will help her succeed. She probably won't appreciate her success if she won't undergo challenges. If everything is handed to her on

Hey there, my friend. It's been a week since you left. The day you came here was a surprise to me and the day you left was also unexpected.  I could still vividly recall your first day here in our house. You were so aloof. Even the mere presence of Avatar you would instantly grumble. I definitely understand your behavior. We were all unfamiliar to you. You've been taken away from your real family. Though it didn't take long for you to get accustomed with our presence. After a couple of days you're beginning to warm up with us and became the puppy that you were. You and Avatar became playmates. You're not grumbling anymore even when he came close to you. Even to me, you come near me voluntarily. You would climb up to my legs. You come near me when I was doing something while you were looking at me with full of curiosity. It's as if you're asking me what I'm doing.  Days went by and I got to love you more and more each day. Your playfulness. Your too much

From time to time I wonder what if I pursued my dream profession. I have this dream of becoming a lawyer.  When I was about to enter college, I planned on enrolling in a pre-law course. I can't remember how the dream started. What's clear to me is until now I still wonder how I will be able to pursue it. I don't know if I just got nothing to do or my heart's really in it.  I used to look for free online courses on the internet about pre-law or law courses. I couldn't find any. I downloaded this book regarding law. It's about what to expect when you study law. I reached up to the half part I think and I've yet to read the other half. And as I was reading I realized that I think I can handle some parts of it. Some parts are still questionable, though.  I remember before we finished high school, we took a career assessment exam. On the result, one of the careers that suits me was lawyer. I couldn't be any happier when I read it. I also remember asking for a

There comes a point in our life when we no longer want to try. We stop trying to fix broken relationships. We no longer want to try to fix things, so we throw it and buy new stuff. We stop trying to fit in other people's lives. We stop trying to make things work. Probably because we realized our self-worth. Or simply because we got tired. We will come to a point when we realize that no matter how hard we try, there are really things that can never go back to the way they were before. Some broken relationships cannot be fixed. Some wounds cannot be mended. Some things are better left in the past.  We eventually come to a point where we have to learn how to let go. We have to accept that we outgrow people and vice versa. We may have shared a beautiful story together, but our part in their story is over. Or their part in our story has ended. We cannot ask them to stay if they want to leave. We cannot get mad at them for choosing to take the route different from ours. At the end of the

Someone asked me why I am unemployed. My initial reaction was, "Ouch." That has became my reaction every time someone ask me the same question. God knows how I hate to hear that question. I hate narrating the story about my failure. I hate going back to the time that I was in search for a job. I hate being reminded of my countless failed attempts. I already lost count of how many times I attended a job interview- on site, virtually and via phone call, name it. I couldn't remember anymore how many "unfortunately, we couldn't push further with your application" emails I received. Not to mention the times that I believed when an interviewer told me they would call me. I waited for that call. God knows I waited for that call. Even if weeks had already passed, I still hoped. I was waiting for a call that never came. No one knows how small I felt every time I was being rejected, every time I received rejection emails. Even if I've been through it many times, I

Recently, I just realized that I'm not getting any younger. I realized it while I was watching an online mass. The priest said that we are all going to die. It's just a matter of time. The life span of a person in average is 70 years old. And I just turned 32. So if God permits that I'll reach the age of 70, I only have 38 years left. But I doubt I'll reach that age. Cause my lifestyle isn't ideal to reach that kind of age. I sleep late. I wake up late. I don't eat vegetables. I don't exercise. Anyway,  suddenly I asked myself why I waste so much time of my 20's worrying about my future. And my future is already happening. I am living in the present, but 5 years ago this was the future that I was worrying about. I was always in a rush to figure things out without realizing that life is passing. It occurred to me how I wasted my time being disappointed with a lot of things. I made a mistake of not living in the present. I spent my time waiting. With what?

The last time I checked, I can breathe. I have lungs. I need oxygen to live. I don't function out of battery. I'm a human being and not a robot. But why do there are people who think that I don't get tired? And why does it feel like I'm a robot just waiting for someone to press the remote control for me to function? It seems like I won't move if someone didn't press a button on me. I'm just following their commands. Do this and do that. Don't do this. Don't to that. By this time you should be doing this and not that. I have no right to get tired. I have no right to complain. I have no right to rest. I have no right to do the things for myself. Because I'm a robot, so I should just wait for someone to press a button and until then I'll do what they told me to do. But don't they realize that even robots need to recharge? They might probably don't experience physical exhaustion, but surely they need charging. Their batteries get emptied.

Last Monday, September 11, 2023, I attended the concert of Lauv at the Mall of Asia Arena. Alexander 23 was the front act of the show. It started at exactly 8:00 PM. Unlike the last concert that I watched at MOA Arena, I was early this time. If you want to know what happened then, you can read my blog here . 😄 Alexander's songs that night was perfect for a chill night. Some of the concert attendees that night just got off from work, so it's good to hear that kind of song. Perfect for relaxation and laid-back kind of vibe. His performance lasted for more or less than 30 minutes. During his last song, Lauv's face suddenly popped up on the screen. He was already backstage. He was making faces while Alexander was performing seriously. So we were laughing and we were screaming. Lauv came on stage after Alexander was finished with his last song. He thanked him for doing the front act then left the stage afterwards. I thought he would already start the concert.  The show proper s

About two days ago, I celebrated my birthday. The past few years were quite difficult. But despite that, God is truly generous enough to have given me another year. Many people got sick with covid-19 and also a lot of people died due to it. Some lost their loved ones. And I am one of those fortunate ones who has been given the privilege to still wake up this morning. There are a lot to be thankful for in spite of the tough times that I'd been through especially in the past months. There were nights when I wished that God won't wake me up the following morning. I told Him I've already been through so much. My heart is heavy and I don't think I want to witness another heartache the following day. I carry so much pain in me. Until now I am still healing. I have a lot of wounds that need healing. Sometimes I think that I'm about to be healed, but every now and then the wounds would still bleed. I'm still trying to make the shattered pieces be whole again. And like a

WAIT A four-letter word  That entails responsibility You have to be able to bear the consequences Should you wait or just give up Is it really worth the wait  Or is it time to wave the white flag Are you ready to face the consequences of your choice Waiting is tough Waiting is agonizing Waiting is detrimental Waiting is growth With wait comes the faith Faith that one day The things that you've been waiting for Will finally be within your reach Or the people  That you've been waiting to see To hug and to kiss Will finally be wrapped inside your arms Without the wait We wouldn't hold on to faith Because faith is all we ever have  When waiting becomes excruciating au revoir. 😊

Here I am sitting on one corner of a dark room Thinking  Hurting Disheartened My hands aren't tied, yet I don't feel free I'm not gagged, yet I can't speak I feel suffocated I feel trapped When will this be over? When can I see the light at the end of the tunnel? When can I get out of this feeling? When can I hear my laughter again? I'm just a girl Sitting on one corner of a dark room Waiting for the light to shine on me Can someone flip the switch? au revoir. 😊

You're really going to learn a lot if you are only mindful of your surroundings. If you are observant of everything that’s been going on around you, you can get some life lessons that you can carry with you as you navigate this journey called life. With that being said, here are some of the best life lessons that I've learned in the past 11 years. In no particular order.  1. Save money. Practice delay gratification. Avoid impulsive buying. Always think before you purchase something. Think if you really need it, or you just want to have it. There's a fine line between wants and needs. You don't need everything that you want. Do not splurge on things that you will regret buying in the future. It's better to spend your money on experiences. Experience is irreplaceable. Every experience is unique. You might think that buying something will make you happy, but eventually you're going to lose interest on it.  2. Respect your parents. I know I should have learned this

As defined by Wikipedia, "Destiny, sometimes also called fate, is a predetermined course of events. It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual." Destiny is something bound to happen whether we are in favor of it or not. And I do believe that everything that's going to happen or happened in our lives are already set and no one can stop them. I believe that every one of us has our own destiny, be it the person we're going to spend the rest of our life or the events that happen to us. And for that reason, I don't believe in accidents. Though there is such thing as vehicular accident, I know that it's really not an accident. It is bound to happen. Perhaps to teach the people involved some life lessons.  I believe that we don't meet people by accident. We are meant to cross paths with them for us to learn from them or vice versa. I believe that things have to happen, so that we can have a new perspective in how we view

Not many people have the privilege to reach an old age. Some infants weren't even given the chance to be born. In some instances there are children who died due to some serious illness. While there are some who at an early age died because of accidents. That's why to be getting older shouldn't be taken for granted. But of course, there are pros and cons that lies behind it. Let's start with the worst and save the best for last. The worst thing about getting older, a.k.a adulthood, is that people around you expect you to know better and to be a better version of your younger self. Even your own self, you also have high expectations. But the thing is, you've never been this old so everything that you are experiencing now is new to you. You can't ask for help because everyone thinks you can handle anything. Cause hello? You're already a grown up. You also feel embarrassed to ask for help cause you feel so proud of yourself that you can do it all by yourself. Th

I read it somewhere on the internet that death isn't the opposite of life. Instead, death is a part of life. I couldn't agree more. One day we're all going to die. It's inevitable. But when the time comes, how do you want people to remember you? Or what reaction/s do you expect from people once they receive the news that you have passed away? I don't have any inheritance that I can leave nor I have published a well-written book (yet) that would make people remember my name. I've never even  invented anything that could contribute to the welfare of humanity. So basically, I'm just a nobody. But when the time comes that I'll be leaving this world, I want to be remembered as someone who brings sunshine to someone's life. I want to help other people in the best way that I can. I want to be remembered as someone who is capable of doing good deeds. I want to spread kindness to the people I meet. When I'm gone I want other people to remember me as someo

Life isn't perfect. It's not always easy and it's not always happy. Difficulties and sadness are necessary for our growth. We have to be hurt every once in a while. We have to experience pain and disappointments. At times, we have to experience them through people who we've thought would never hurt us. We have to experience days that we thought we could never survive.  One of the best things about the worst days of our life is that we learn a lot. Hadn't we experience these bad days, we would never realize a lot of things. Lesson learned the hard way, you could say. Bad days in our life serve as an eye opener to us. They make us see things that we often overlook during the good days. At times, tough times had to happen to teach us something. Like when we are sick, it teaches us how to be more cautious with our health. Because often times we don't mind what we eat, what time we sleep, how badly we need to rest, or that we should exercise at least once in a while.

Quiet people are not silent cause they don't have anything to say. Instead, their minds are full of thoughts. They're just not the type to say what's in their mind.  There is power in being silent. You make people wonder what's going on in your head. They would lose their mind wondering what your're thinking, but they could never guess it. Unless they ask you, and even if they ask you, it's still up to you whether you're going to tell them the truth or make up some lies. You could already be murdering them in your head and they are still clueless. 😆 The power of being silent is you remain a mystery to other people.  Quiet people are more of thinkers and observers. They notice things. They keep quiet about it. They'll mull over it for a time and consider whether they'll disclose what they found out or not. Only to decide that they shouldn't. They let other people discover about it on their own. Quiet people aren't easy to fool since they are

They say that, "Time flies when you're having fun." But how come that I am not having fun, and yet time moves pretty fast? How is it that half the year is already gone?  It's so weird how the past 6 months seemed to happen only for 3 seconds. It's like earlier this morning I was thinking of what to post on social media as a "year-ender" post. And now I am already thinking of what to wear on Halloween party. Not that I attend a Halloween party. It's just fun to think of a costume and pretend to be someone I am not.  Anyway, the past six months. Before the year started I told myself that I shouldn't let 2023 pass just like the other years. I have to do something for myself. I have mentally listed my to-do list for this year. Now, it's already second half of the year and I still haven't ticked any on my to-do list. During the first half of the year I think all I did was get annoyed with a lot of things. I didn't plan it. It just happene

Pain is probably the worst thing a person could ever feel. The word itself is hurtful enough. The worst kind of pain would have to be emotional. Pain from a wound is somehow still bearable and can be mend. You know that it will only last for a few days. Then your wound will turn into a scar. Then one day the scar will fade away like nothing happened. But when you are hurt emotionally, you don't know until when it will last. There's no pain killer that can that could stop the pain. There's no bandage that could help stop the bleeding. There's no ointment you could put to easily remove the scar.  There's no exact formula on how a person should deal with an emotional pain. We all have different ways on how we handle it and how we get over from something that deeply hurt us. At the same time, we have different tolerance when it comes to pain. Some could appear very resilient. It seems like nothing could hurt them. They seem to be tough as steel. On the other hand, there

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?" – C.S. Lewis  Over the past 3 years, I realized that I changed. The pandemic had really made an impact in my life. I don't see things the way I did 3 years ago. Nowadays, I see life and people differently from how I look at them before.  I realized that some people only care for themselves. Not all people are as genuine as they appear. There are those who say good things about you in front of your face, but those same people are also the ones who would say mean things about you to other people. It doesn't matter whether you're their relative or friends, just so they appear better than you or you look bad in their story. People are willing to drag someone down just to make themselves look good to others. They want to appear like they are the only ones who care. They could say bad things about you for their own benefit. I used to prioritize other people's needs b

Most of us girls grew up watching fairy tales. We probably got our idea of a happily ever after from Cinderella and her Prince Charming. Then we transitioned to chick-flicks and rom-coms as grew older. We couldn't help but wish to have the same love story as what Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky have. And as we matured, our idea of love changed. Our concept of a romantic relationship evolved. Ali and Noah showed us a more realistic kind of love. Apart from that, there are some real couples that we know who proved to us that relationships aren't like in movies. That there's a fine line between fantasy and reality. That happily ever after rarely happen to people and romance isn't for everyone. Most of us were born in a society where by the time you reached a certain age you should have your own family. You should be married. You should have kids. When you're in your 30's and people ask you if you are married and you answer no, most of them would pity you. It's as