On Our Own
Most of us girls grew up watching fairy tales. We probably got our idea of a happily ever after from Cinderella and her Prince Charming. Then we transitioned to chick-flicks and rom-coms as grew older. We couldn't help but wish to have the same love story as what Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky have. And as we matured, our idea of love changed. Our concept of a romantic relationship evolved. Ali and Noah showed us a more realistic kind of love. Apart from that, there are some real couples that we know who proved to us that relationships aren't like in movies. That there's a fine line between fantasy and reality. That happily ever after rarely happen to people and romance isn't for everyone.
Most of us were born in a society where by the time you reached a certain age you should have your own family. You should be married. You should have kids. When you're in your 30's and people ask you if you are married and you answer no, most of them would pity you. It's as if you're a charity case. "Who's gonna take care of you when you're old?" They would say. Like they're so sure that we would reach an old age. Just kidding. My point is, why do they worry about it? Does that mean that they chose to have kids just because they want someone to take care of them?
Personally, I don't see myself marrying one day and having kids. Of course, when I watch rom-com movies, I sometimes imagine having the same kind of love story. I also wish to have someone like Noah who would write me 365 letters for the days that he didn't get to see me. Someone who would be passionately in love with me. Who would only have his eyes on me even though we're apart. Someone who would patiently wait for me until we get to be with each other again. At the same time, I also want a Chandler Bing and a Joey Tribbiani kind of guys. I like their sense of humor. So basically, I want Chandler and Joey's humor trapped in Noah Calhoun's body. I know he's impossible to find and my idea of having a Prince Charming is too far fetched.
I just can't see myself loving someone more than I love myself. I can't see myself living with someone and dealing with him every day until the day I die. I can't even picture myself dating. I can envision myself having kids, though. But that's it, it's only a vision. When I think about it in reality, I realized that I don't want responsibilities. Building a family means you're going to commit your whole life to them. You can't take it back once you already have a child. Your life isn't yours anymore once you decided to get married and have a child. It's not like a job that you can quit when you're no longer happy. You have to deal with it your whole life whether you like it or not. And I couldn't see myself living that kind of life.
I'm in early 30's and some of my batch mates are already married. Some have their own children. There's this one classmate of mine from elementary whose kid is already in high school. And I'm so proud of myself that I don't envy them. I mean I envy a lot of people when I see them travelling to different countries, having their own house or eating a sumptuous meal. But getting married and having kids aren't my kind of envying.
There are more things that I still want to achieve. I want to explore places that I've never been before. And I know I couldn't do them once I have my own family. I am fine being on my own. I can watch movies in the cinema alone. I can eat in a restaurant alone. I can go somewhere whenever I want to. I don't have the need to fill a void in my life. I don't feel incomplete having no husband and kids. It doesn't make me feel less of a person.
I don't want to marry and have kids just because my future is uncertain. It's inappropriate to decide to have a family just because I want them to serve as my security blanket.
Women who decided to not have kids don't need anyone's pity. Instead you should be proud of us because we are fine being on our own. We have our own preferences, and we prefer this kind of life. We don't have to depend on other people just to feel safe and secure. We may be alone, but we aren't lonely. We chose this life because it's more peaceful. We enjoy being single. Besides, having no one is better than being with the wrong one. Having no one to take care of us when we grow old should be the least of your concern. We can handle this. We can do this on our own.
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