Ang sarili kong mundo

In just a few hours, 2022 is about to end. Thanks, God.  To me, this year hasn't been so easy to deal with. I thought that last year was the most number of times that I cried. Then 2022 came. It's like a deja vu of how my years were back in 2013-2016. Those were the years when I was at my lowest. When waking up every morning felt like it's already going to be a bad day, even though nothing happened yet. I don't know how many times I cried in the shower, or before going to sleep. Just like last year, I told God before going to sleep that it's okay if He won't wake me up the next morning. Cause I've already had enough. I don't think I have a reason to get up anymore. I've completely lost all my will to live. The only thing that excites me is going to bed. Because by then, I can cry my heart out in the silence of the night. No one would know about it. They didn't have to, anyway. I've lost respect to some people. I know I shouldn't, but ever

Christmas is the time of the year where family gathers and friends reunite. It's also a time for rekindling some relationships, patching things up and forgiving someone who have done you wrong.  Christmas is also time to just relax and enjoy the holidays. It's the time of the year when it's okay to just procrastinate. It's okay to pause for a few days. Not thinking about your job or anything that stresses you.  Christmas is also a time to spend with God. He's the main reason for the season. But before we celebrate the most important day of the year, here in the Philippines we have this tradition called "Misa de Gallo" or "Simbang Gabi" in anticipation of the Christmas day. It is a mass celebrated for 9 evenings starting from December 15 until December 23. You can also opt to attend the dawn masses which start from December 16 and last until December 24. It is believed that those who will complete the nine days will have their wish granted. But of

Cast:  Kim Yoo-jung Byeon Woo-seok Roh Yoon-seo Park Jung-woo Release dates: October 6, 2022  Director: Bang Woo-ri 20th Century Girl is a Korean film about love and friendship. This is the second Korean movie that I watched and I'm glad that it didn't disappoint me. The main characters of the film are high-schoolers. But no matter what age bracket you are in, I guarantee that you're gonna love this movie.  Na Bo-ra (Kim Yoo-jung) and Kim Yeon-du (Roh Yoon-seo) are best friends. But due to a heart condition, Yeon-du needs to fly to New York to have a surgery. Before she left Korea, she met a guy who she instantly liked. She asked her best friend to keep tabs on him. Na Bo-ra haven't met the guy, yet. Yeon-du only gave her his name, or at least what she presumed his name was, that she saw on his jacket that he's wearing when she saw him. They go to the same school, so Na Bo-ra easily found him. Again, with only his name patched on his jacket. She update her best frie

Christmas season is already here, and with that I know that gifts are already in mind. Though that's not what Christmas is about, still we couldn't help but think about it. Perhaps not what we are going to receive, but what we are going to give to our loved ones. Now I'm curious. What's the most unusual (material) gift that you've ever received? I don't know about now, but way back many years ago the most typical gift someone could get were picture frame, mug, or a photo album. Every Christmas parties expect that you're gonna get one of those. I received a picture frame when I was in fifth grade. The good thing was that Mama Mary's picture was on it. So, who am I to complain? Then during one of the Christmas parties in our barangay, I got a mug but with a shirt. My most coveted gift back then was the photo album, but I never got it. Now the most common gift I receive is t-shirt. That's why I don't buy clothes anymore. Cause I know that when Decem

Starring:  Justin Hartley Barrett Doss Bonie Bedelia  James Remar Esence Atkins Release Date: November 24, 2022 Directed by: Charles Shyer First of all, I would like to say that I loved the setting of the movie. The road all covered in snow. I have this fascination with snow and have always been dreaming of experiencing it, especially on Christmas. And somehow this movie made me experience it virtually. The Noel Diary is a Christmas movie. The story is about hope, forgiveness and love. Spoiler alert: Justin Hartley is not Noel. And if that didn't intrigue you, I don't know what would.  Jacob (Justin Hartley) is a novelist. His mother died and he didn't know about it hadn't he received a phone call. Cause he and his mother didn't have a good relationship, he is living alone. Well, not totally alone, he has Ava. Upon hearing the death of his mother, he needed to go back to his childhood home, where his mother used to live when she was still alive, to do some major cle

Many of us have something heavy that we are keeping inside and we have a hard time letting go of. Excess baggage, they say. It can be a traumatic experience, some hurtful words that someone said to us that we cannot get over with, a painful past, or anything that we aren't willing to share with anyone, yet.  Perhaps because we don't want to hear any judgments or simply because once we do, we will surely cry a river.  Any excess baggage is heavy. But we find it hard to put them down, even though we have a hard time carrying them. We tend to hold on to them too tightly for a reason that they already became an integral part of us. Somehow we couldn't see ourselves being the same person had we removed these excess baggage. Even though they're too heavy to carry, for some odd reason we can still find some comfort and fulfilment carrying them.  But as the term suggests, 'excess' meaning whether we like it or not we have to eliminate it. Any excess would be too unbeara

When all else fails When everything seems to be going against you You have two options Either fight or surrender When all else fails When the people around you seem to disappoint you You have two options Either be patient with them or leave  When all else fails When you want to start reaching for your dreams, but it's as if someone is pulling them away from you You have two options Either give up or keep trying When all else fails And nothing seems to be going right in your life anymore You have two options Either breathe or get drowned When all else fails And everything seems to be falling apart You have two options Either get wounded with the broken pieces or create something beautiful out of the fragments When all else fails And everything seems to go out of hand You have two options Either wallow in sadness or simply go with the flow When all else fails And no one seems to understand you You have two options Either be your own best friend or an enemy When all else fails And the

"If you have the power to eat alone in a restaurant or sit alone in a cinema hall then you can do anything in your life." Done and done. There are people out there who can't eat in a restaurant or watch a movie in a cinema alone. Wherein there are some people like me, who would rather go solo and don't want any company. If you are an introvert, then you could totally relate and doing those things is no biggie to you. It would be a piece of cake. That's basically an introvert's dream. To eat alone in a restaurant without having to consider anyone, like what other person prefers to eat. Or when going for a movie, you can watch whatever you like without having to consider if the people you're with like the movie or not. You have all the liberty to decide.  Alone isn't boring, at least for me. When you are all by yourself you have time to asses yourself. You have time to ponder about how your life has been going on lately. Somehow it could give you some cl

Being the youngest child has its pros and cons, but really mostly cons. One of its pros is that you were everyone's favorite when you were still the youngest family member. But of course, it changes over time, e.g with the presence of a niece or nephew.  Then you realized that you're no longer the apple of the eye, and you also realized that it's okay. It's okay especially if you are not the type of person who doesn't like to be on the spotlight. At the same time you couldn't help but miss those moments when you were everyone's favorite. You kinda miss those times when everyone considers you and your feelings. But here's the thing, if you are the youngest sibling you don't grow old, you cannot grow old (not literally, though). You are always a kid in their eyes no matter how old you get. For me, that's a bad thing because: 1. You're always the 'do this' and 'do that' person. 2. If your siblings poke fun at you, you can't g

Is it wrong to prioritize oneself? Is it wrong to pursue one's personal wants? Is it wrong to put oneself first? It is said that love means sacrifice. You have to be willing to sacrifice just to show the people you love that you love them. You are willing to endure anything for the sake of your loved ones. But what if you're no longer happy with how things are going? What if respect is slowly fading away? Is it still worth sacrificing? Or is it better to walk away before things begin to worsen. You go and search for a refuge, though you're not sure if it's the right thing to do. All of a sudden you think of leaving. You want to start your life anew and chase your dreams. You want to pursue your lifelong dreams that have been long overdue. But you're torn between sacrificing for the people that you love, and sacrificing in pursuit of your dreams. Somehow you know that staying is the proper choice regardless of how things might be going right now. Even so, you couldn&

What if I got my dream job? What if I had my own place—an apartment perhaps? What if I could get everything that I wanted? What if I could sleep 12 hours a day? What if I could eat everything that I wanted, without gaining any weight? What if I could go anywhere I wanted to? What if I had more money? What if I had a perfect family? What if I liked where I am?  What if I was more patient with things? What if I was more understanding? What if I wasn't an overthinker? What if I was an extrovert? What if I wasn't shy? What if I was fearless?  What if time moved slow when we're happy? What if time moved fast when we're sad or in pain? What if we could turn back time? To make up for our past mistakes, or to simply experience the good old days again. What if we could fast forward time when we don't want what's happening around us? What if everything was certain? What if we weren't afraid to take any risks? What if we knew we could never fail? What if everyone had t

There are different ways on how our heart could possibly get broken. Being broken hearted does not only limit to a failed romantic relationship. You could get your heart broken even if you're single, and no matter what your age is.  A little girl might get broken hearted when her mother doesn't allow her to have some ice cream. To some children they'd feel like their hearts shattered into pieces when their crush ignored them. Others would get heart broken for a failed exam.  There's this girl who experienced a major heartbreak recently. She felt like her heart turned into pieces because all of a sudden some things had to change. She never imagined that it would happen one day. There were some hints here and there, but she was in denial. Eventually, she faced the truth and accepted the fact. But it doesn't mean that she had also readied her emotions. When she started to sense like a change would likely to happen, she talked to God about it. She said it was the second

When you feel like you're not good at anything, and a certain task is given to you, your first instinct would be to doubt yourself. You would ask yourself if you could do it even if it's just a simple one.  When you feel like you're not good at anything, you would always second guess your capabilities.  When you feel like you're not good at anything, you would just accept the negative things that others say about you even if they're not true. You would accept all the criticisms and whatnots. You would easily believe them when they say, "you can't."  When you feel like you're not good at anything, you would always feel less of a person. Even when other people compliment you, you wouldn't believe them. You wouldn't believe them when they say good things about you. You wouldn't feel like you are good enough, and that you don't deserve any praises. At times you would even belittle yourself.  When you feel like you're not good at any

Before pandemic, I got hooked watching concerts of some of my favorite international artists. My first major concert experience was in 2018. I enjoyed it a lot that's why since then I looked forward watching another live performance again. I was actually supposed to watch two concerts in 2020. But then pandemic happened, and the rest was history.   When the world somehow started to feel okay again, some borders were reopening, some travel restrictions have eased and concert producers were announcing the resume of their postponed events, I know that it will be sooner rather than later that I get to watch another concert again. One of the artists that I've been wanting to watch perform live was The Script. They've been here in the country for several times already, but I wasn't able to watch them.   I wanted to watch them live and join them singing at the top of my lungs the opening line from their song 'Breakeven' that goes like, "I'm still alive but I&#

If I would be given a chance to have a sit-down interview with a famous celebrity, it would be Kylie Jenner.  Kylie Jenner seems to have her life together. At a young age she appears to have a perfect life. She belongs to a well-known and wealthy family, she has her own business, she has already established herself, she's living a luxurious life, and she has already a family of her own. And this is exactly the kind of life that most people at her age are dreaming of, or most people in general. Like in a just a snap of her fingers, she could easily get what she wants. Plus, she is admired by many.  There are some things that I want to know about her, simply because I'm intrigued. I want to ask her what it's like to be her, I mean to have a life that she is currently living. I want to know the real her without the presence of any camera. I am curious about her personality. I want to see how she's living the kind of life that she has. I want to ask her if there are still t

Life is like riding a roller coaster. Sometimes you're up and other times you're down. You have no control over where you would be. The best thing about a roller coaster is that it keeps on moving. When you're down it goes up and vice versa.  It's thrilling everytime we're up. We can see clearly the view. It seems like everything that we've been worrying about fades away in an instant. It's so relaxing everytime the cool breeze of the air hits our face. Even for a brief moment we forget all our troubles. Even for a while, life feels perfect, and that's what most of us crave. We wish that time would freeze and we remain forever on top. But like what I said, roller coasters keep on moving. We go down, and of course we don't want that. We keep on waiting for our turn to be on top. There are times when we couldn't help but think that it will be like that forever, that we'll stay there forever. We couldn't wait till it's our turn to see wh

I've been feeling this for quite a while now, the desire to leave. I just realized how bad Monday and birthday blues combined. Or this is probably because I didn't have enough sleep.  Anyway, when I was a kid and my mother scold me for something I did, or when she didn't give me permission to do the things that I wanted to, I always thought of leaving the house and not come back anymore. But of course, as a kid I was obviously powerless to do it. Now that I'm an adult I still have the desire to do so. Compared to when I was a kid, I can do it now if I wanted to. Even so, I know that I won't no matter how much I want to. I know that once I did it there are lots of repercussions that I need to face when the time comes, and I don't think I'm ready for it. So the best thing that I can do is to stay, for now.  I wanted to escape badly. I am not happy with how my life is going lately. Being an overthinker is so exhausting. Others might think that I live an easy li

Dear Self, Happy Birthday to you. You're a year older today, and I hope wiser. I want to apologize to you for putting you up with so much in the last couple of months. It feels like you're back to your old, miserable self again. I know how hard you are trying to feel okay and to fight everything that's been weighing you down. At times you succeed, and a lot of times you fail. Sorry for that.  I don't know how 31 is going to be, but I hope and I pray that you still choose to survive even if you don't feel like it. When you don't feel like you can't go on anymore, always believe that you can just like you always do. God will always be with you no matter what you are going through. He won't give you anything that you can't handle and He always has His reasons for allowing things to happen. May you never lose your happy self. May you always find humour in everything. You know what they say, "Laughter is the best medicine." Laugh as much as you

I can't believe that we are already on the third day of 'ber month.' Here in the Philippines, we are said to have the longest Christmas celebration. Because as soon as September 1 comes, you could already feel the spirit of Christmas everywhere. You could already see some stores have already started selling different Christmas ornaments. People are already starting to put Christmas decorations. Different radio stations nationwide are already playing Christmas songs. There's this one famous Christmas song that as soon as the 'ber months' begin, automatically you could hear it playing. Here's the lyrics of the song by Mr. Jose Mari Chan:  Let's sing Merry Christmas  And a happy holiday  This season may we never forget  The love we have for Jesus  Let him be the one to guide us  As another new year starts  And may the spirit of Christmas  Be always in our hearts You could already see different memes of him on social media even if it's only mid July.  Do

Prioritizing oneself isn't selfish. It doesn't mean that you are only thinking about yourself. It does not necessarily mean that you don't care about other people. It doesn't imply that you think highly of yourself, but it's thinking of yourself as equal to them. It's not being inconsiderate. Prioritizing oneself means caring for your mental well-being. It's knowing when to stop when you know you've already had enough.  It is important to give yourself time and space when you feel like everything or everyone around you seems to drain your energy. It's not selfish to put yourself first every now and then. It's necessary to ask yourself how you really feel about something. And if it doesn't serve you good, you have to know that you can always take a step back. As the saying goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." You don't have to force yourself and deal with everything that only suck the life out of you. 

Starring: Lili Reinhart Aisha Dee Danny Ramirez David Corenswet Directed by: Sarah Watt Release Date: August 17, 2022 Look Both Ways is a story about Natalie Bennett (Lili Reinhart). It's not your typical romantic kind of film. If you've already watched '13 Going 30' this movie is similar to it in a way, but not totally.  Natalie had just graduated from her college and already has her life planned in the next five years.lll Then something happened during their graduation party. She was presented with two different scenarios. One was her following and pursuing her 5-year plans that include moving to Los Angeles with her bestfriend, Cara (Aisha Dee). The other one was her unexpectedly entering into a motherhood only right after her graduation.  I loved how this movie was greatly curated. You don't always see movies where you get to witness two totally different plots, usually there is only one. This movie showed the best (and even worst) of both worlds, hence the titl

It is innate to us human to have insecurities, especially when it comes to physical appearance. Some people like to have a smaller nose. Others prefer bigger boobs while some wish theirs were smaller. Some would rather have a whiter complexion while some wants a fairer or darker skin. Some prefer to have a slimmer body. At times, we feel so low because we tend to focus with our insecurities.  In dealing with one's insecurities, self-acceptance is vital. We have to acknowledge the fact that we aren't perfect, and it's okay. If other people point out our flaws or our insecurities, we shouldn't be offended. Instead, our response should be, "I know, right." We shouldn't let others make us feel more insecure. We don't have to let their words get to our head or to define us. We know ourselves better and we have to know also our worth. At the same time, we shouldn't point out other people's insecurities. May we always remember this saying: "If th

What's the most random act of kindness you've received from a stranger?  "Sometimes miracles are just people with kind hearts." Do you agree with this quote? Because I definitely do.  I used to apply to different jobs that were located far from where I live. Simply because I want to live independently. Everytime I got shorlisted and asked to show up for an interview, I always see to it that I was familiar with the place. I check first the map for the direction. I won't go there if I wasn't familiar with the place.  One time I had an interview. I didn't hesitate to go there since I am not a stranger to the place anymore. I experienced living there for almost a month when I had my internship. Even so, I still checked the map to see the exact location of the place where I would go. It was a food chain, so it has many store locations. I was aware that there was one there, but I wasn't sure if that's where I was having my interview. When I checked the