Sat With Ren: A Broken-Hearted Girl

There are different ways on how our heart could possibly get broken. Being broken hearted does not only limit to a failed romantic relationship. You could get your heart broken even if you're single, and no matter what your age is. 

A little girl might get broken hearted when her mother doesn't allow her to have some ice cream. To some children they'd feel like their hearts shattered into pieces when their crush ignored them. Others would get heart broken for a failed exam. 

There's this girl who experienced a major heartbreak recently. She felt like her heart turned into pieces because all of a sudden some things had to change. She never imagined that it would happen one day. There were some hints here and there, but she was in denial. Eventually, she faced the truth and accepted the fact. But it doesn't mean that she had also readied her emotions.

When she started to sense like a change would likely to happen, she talked to God about it. She said it was the second to the last thing that she didn't want to happen. Then one day, she realized that there's no stopping for these major changes. It's going to happen whether she liked it or not. She was crushed to her bones when she heard about it. She had no idea how she could possibly survive without the things that she's been with for almost half of her life. Of course, she knew she could survive. She has to. It's just that she doesn't want to live without the things that's become a major part of her.

She felt sad simply because she was already comfortable with how things were, though there were times that she didn't like how things were going. She'd rather deal with chaos than changes. 

Then the day that she was dreading to happen was already happening. All of a sudden she's feeling like her world was falling apart. Her world made a huge turn. She had no idea how she could make it through another day.  

She wants for the good old days to be back. They may not be perfect, but at least things remain the same. She know that she couldn't take back those days again. Everything has already changed. 

She couldn't help but compare herself to a puppy that needs to find a new home. When a dog gave birth to seven puppies it had to let go of the others cause the owner couldn't keep them all. They have to find each puppy a new shelter. Somewhere where they can be properly taken care of. They have to be separated from each other. It's hard to see the puppies leaving one by one knowing that you won't see them any longer. It's hard to see the puppies leaving their siblings without knowing what their life is gonna be in their new home. It's hard to be separated from each other especially when they already grew comfortable with each other. They became each other's playmate. And when one of them left, who's gonna be its playmate in its new shelter. 

It's hard to let go especially when what you have to let go is a significant part of your life. It feels like letting go a portion of your life. It seems like things are falling apart, and you can't do anything but watch them crashing down right before your eyes. 

But this broken-hearted girl know in her heart of hearts that things changed for the better. She might not see it now, but one day she'll do. She's only seeing the negative impact  for now. She know that she'll get over it one day. Her days would feel normal again. She's gonna wake up one morning feeling a little better than she is right now. She has to feel better. Eventually, she's going to adapt to these changes. She's going to figure out how to navigate in this new life of her.  

But for now, she has to feel all that she is feeling. She has to process things. She already cried more than a bucketful. Only God knows how many times she cried in the shower, or before she fell asleep at night, or every time she remember how different things are now. And that's what she needs right now—a good ugly cry. That's how she deals with pain, with loneliness, with disappointments, and when everything seems too much to bear. She can do it all by herself. She doesn't need anyone to be there for her to console her. She can do it alone. She always does. You just have to let her feel what she's feeling. So that one day when she stop crying, she'll be really over it. That's how she comes back even stronger. 

au revoir. 😊