My Most Embarrassing Moment

Every moment in my life was embarrassing. LOL. 

I really had numerous bloopers in my life and they were all totally embarrassing. You know the feeling when you just want to disappear like a bubble?

Of all the embarrassing moments that happened in my life, this one that I'm going to share here was totally the worst one.

This happened when I was still in high school— fourth year high school. That moment when I already want to drop out. Everytime that I went to school was a torture. I had a professor who belongs to the "third sex" as to what he refers himself. He was also my teacher when I was in  second year but he was so serious that time, that everytime he gets into our classroom none of us dare to talk. That's how terror he was. But when he became my teacher in fourth year something has changed. Yes, he was still the terror type but that time he already throws some jokes and makes fun of his students. And I was one of the "victims."

One time, we were taking our exam and he was roaming around to check whoever is copying from one another. Then all of a sudden he stopped when he was beside me and held a few strands of my hair. And he said, "kelan ang libing," so my classmates laugh after hearing that— after they got what he's trying to convey. I must admit that my hair that time was actually bad. The aftermath of rebonding, just imagine it. My hair really looked so terrible and I can't blame him and my classmates for making fun of it. It looked so dry, coarse and thick, it was really a total mess. It was a complete and a total disaster. So since then, I don't want to attend his class anymore. I began to hate Tuesdays. Our subject was Economics and we only meet every Tuesdays and Thursdays but we have two meetings every Tuesday cause our class was a whole day so we have two meetings, morning and afternoon. Everytime he goes into our classroom, I always prepared myself that he and my classmates will be making fun of me again. And I will be again become the center of their attention. I was constantly praying for his absence. That's why I felt happy and relieved everytime he was absent. He was my biggest 

nightmare that time, he and my classmates. Simply by seeing them, I already felt total awkwardness and I just want to go home. I didn't want to go to school anymore.

That was the time that I really felt embarrassed. I actually felt bad about myself. Everytime I go to school—not only in his class—was a torture. I always pray that the school days would be over soon so that I can already graduate and he cannot make fun of me anymore and I would be out of sight from my classmates. I may only see him twice a week but I constantly saw my classmates everyday of my fourth year high school life. The reason why I really just want to quit school. 

I truly hate to be the center of attention. With whatever reason it is, I really don't want the attention of others on me. Since then, I lost the remaining self-confidence that I had and every time I entered our classroom I always thought that my classmates were always laughing behind my back. They proved me that not all people who act nice in front of you was really nice, they may act nicely, but they would still end up laughing at you everytime they are with their friends. I felt so alone that time, I felt like I have no one that I can call as a friend because they were always laughing at me eventhough I have some friends.

Everytime I see my high school graduation picture, it reminds me of something. Because during that shoot, I heard one of my classmates shouting "David Salon" when it was my turn for my graduation picture. He kept on saying it over and over again. Luckily, I saw whose voice it was, together with my other classmate they were secretly laughing while staring at me, they thought that I didn't see them laughing at me but I did. That's why I wasn't able to smile at my best during that time. I tried to give my best smile but everytime I see them laughing I just couldn't and it made me wanna run and never come back. I will never ever forget them. Everytime I see them it just reminds me of one of the toughest and most embarrassing moments in my life.

And when I entered College, the only thing that I prayed was to not have any classmate from my high school. I want my college days to become a fresh start, a start of something new and I just want to consider my fourth year high school as my worst nightmare that I badly wanna wake up from. As much as possible I don't want to run into any of my former high school classmates. I really want to forget those times. Unfortunately, the odds weren't in my favor. One of my former high school classmates happened to be one of my classmates again in college. Like.... Seriously. Can I just forget that chapter of my life already? Can I simply move on already?

It was just recently that I learned how to choose wisely the people and battles that I'm going to give a portion of my mind. I should let go of the past. I should not let other people take even a single part of my happiness. It already happened and I cannot do anything about it. I have no control over what other people would think about me. I wasn't born to please them. It's just that I wasn't able to realize this before and I let them steal a big portion of my mind and my happiness during those times.

That's the reason why I wouldn't agree when they say that high school life is the best. For me, a BIG NO. It's really the worst for me.

It was not them, it was me that let them affect me. At least I made them laugh, I made them happy everytime they make fun of me. Who knows, they really needed it that time. At least, I helped.