It's Our 8th

Happy 8th Anniversary to us, blogspot. At sa'yo na palaging nagbabasa ng mga blogs ko, maraming maraming salamat sa paglalaan ng oras. Sana andiyan ka pa rin next anniversary natin at sa susunod pang anniversary at sa madami pang anniversary na icecelebrate natin dito sa blogspot. 

Maybe you're wondrin' paano nga ba nagsimula ang pagsusulat ko dito? If you're a "legit" reader of my blogs especially the old ones you probably have an idea on how I struggled with finding a job. Kaya madami akong time mag-browse ng internet at madami akong time magbasa. Gustong-gusto ko noon na magbasa ng mga articles or mga inspiring stories. Everytime I read a well-written story especially the ones written in pure english I am always impressed with the writer. Doon nagsimula yong pangarap ko na maging isang magaling na manunulat. Gusto ko rin maging katulad nila. That time gusto ko rin magsulat at may mainspire ako sa mga sinulat ko.

That time I was following a lifestyle blogger on one of my social media accounts. She inspired me to start a blog because I realized that I can also earn money through blogging. Kaya napaisip din ako. Sabi ko baka naman kaya ko din. Baka pwede din akong magsulat. Kasi mahilig naman akong magsulat kahit nga walang kwenta isinusulat ko. Baka ito talaga yong "true calling" ko. 😝

Another reason was because through writing I can easily express my emotions. When I feel happy, excited, sad, disappointed and frustrated I want to write about it. Kaya nga umabot sa 21K yong tweets ko dati (pero retweets lang naman yong iba don). That was in a span of 3 years. Bawat ganap sa buhay ko dati itinu-tweet ko. Especially kapag malungkot ako. Kaso diba limited lang naman yong characters sa twitter, dati hanggang 140 lang. Buti nga ngayon pwede nang mag nobela. 😁

I'd been rejected numerous times from various job interviews. I was totally disappointed with myself. It was so stressful. That was the time when I want to figure out everything—when I thought I have to figure out everything. I want all of my plans to happen instantly. Because I was so scared that if all of my plans didn't work what will I do with my life. I can't be like this forever. I was so hopeless that time and didn't know what to do anymore since I cannot land a job. I thought having a job was the only reason to make me happy. And that leads me into writing my first ever blog here ang "10 Ways To Be Stressed."

It was July 27, 2013, 23:47 when I published my first blog here. Pero kapag chineck mo yong date nong first blog ko is July 01, 2014. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagka ganon. Pero itong screen shot na nakita ko sa Tumblr account ko yong proof na it was July 27, 2013 because screen shots never lie. May pakinabang talaga ang mga screenshot. 😄

I was so stressed that time. Kitang-kita mo naman sa title diba? Hanggang ngayon nga hindi pa ako sure kung tama ba yong word na "stressed." Pinalitan ko pa nga siya ng "stress" dati kasi nga hindi ako sure pero ibinalik ko na ulit ngayon sa "stressed." Pero hindi pa din ako 100% sure kung tama. 😆

Naisulat ko siya kasi oo tama ka naman don, hindi naman obvious na stress ako that time. Everything that I wrote there were the source of my stress kaya based on personal experience talaga siya. LOL. Especially yong "Social Networking Sites." One week ako noon na hindi gumamit ng facebook. Nag "facebook detox" ako. Ganern. 

After that nag-try ako mag-update regularly. Then I saw this "30-Day Blogging Challenge" on Pinterest. For 30 days may topic na kailangan isulat everyday. Natapos ko naman yong challenge. Then I ran out of topics to write about. Hanggang sa unti-unti na akong nawalan ng gana na magsulat. I also ran out of reasons to live. Char. (Pero half-meant.)😌 I think year 2014-2015 wasn't my best years. I wasn't in a good place that time. I wasn't my best self. Iyon yong time na ayaw ko nang bumangon tuwing umaga. Yon yong time na feeling ko it was just me against the world. Ibang klase yong stress level ko non to the point na hindi ako willing magkwento, wala akong gana mag-share. Kaya yong ikwento kung paano ako na-reject ng paulit-ulit sa job interview. Pero yong time na yon wala akong gana. Feeling ko I would regret everything that I'm going to write that time.  Feeling ko OA lang ako and I thought what I was feeling during that time didn't matter. 

At tsaka ang goal ko kasi dati was for my blog to reach one thousand views. Fortunately, I gained 1,300+ views. Pero hindi ako aware na bawat view ko pala don sa blog ko ay counted din. Nakakailang view pa naman ako sa loob ng isang araw. Then I realized na siguro more than half of the page views was just me. Kaya feeling ko hindi ko naman pala na-reach yong goal ko at niloko ko lang pala yong sarili ko. Isa din yon sa mga reasons kung bakit nawalan na ako ng gana na magsulat at ichika yong mga ganap sa buhay ko. 

Fast forward to 2020 when one of my friends messaged me and told me that one of her friends saw my blog. My friend was so surprised because she had no idea that I have a blog. I was also surprised because it's been years since I wrote here. I already "abandoned" this blog and I even made a new one. Then I got curious and check this blog since I already forgot almost everything that I wrote here. 

While I was reading my past blogs nagulat ako and natawa at the same time. Since I already forgot some of the blogs that I wrote here tapos biglang nabasa ko ulit kaya nagulat ako na minsan pala sa buhay ko may ganoong pangyayari. Tapos natawa kasi ang bobo nong mga grammar. Kung nabasa siguro nong English teacher ko na nagturo kung paano mag-construct ng tamang sentence at yong mga correct verb tenses mahihiya siguro siya kasi wala akong natutunan sa subject niya. Baka nga ipa-retake sa akin yong subject. Sorry na po, Ma'am, it's not you it's me. 😄

While reading na-realize ko na may sense naman pala kahit paano yong mga isinulat ko dito. Nakakabobo nga lang yong mga grammar pero may sense naman. Then I was inspired to write again. Nakakatuwa kasi sa feeling na balikan yong mga gusto ko dati tapos ngayon iba na yong gusto ko, iba na din yong mindset ko dati kesa sa ngayon (pero di ako sure😁). Ang sabi nga ni C.S. Lewis:

"It's funny how day by day nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different."

At dahil iba din ang stress na dulot nitong pandemic kaya nag-try ako na mag-update dito regularly. Kaya naisip ko yong "Sat With Ree." Sanay naman ako na ma-quarantine kasi hindi naman talaga ako palalabas ng bahay even before covid. But this time is totally different. There are things na hindi ko naman dati napapansin pero ngayong may quarantine napapansin ko na. May mga bagay na dati okay lang naman sa akin pero ngayon hindi na. Kaya na-i-stress na naman ako ng beri light. I remember one time or rather a couple of times when I prayed to God "Lord, huwag po sana akong mabaliw dito sa bahay. Please po. Huwag Niyo pong pahihintulutan." Kasi feeling ko talaga I'm on the verge of being crazy. As in....konti na lang. Thankfully, sinagot niya naman yong dasal ko na iyon. Medyo matino pa naman yong pag-iisip ko ngayon.😄 Kahit papaano through writing my blog every Saturday na-da-divert yong atensyon ko sa iba. Konti na lang yong oras ko na isipin yong mga bagay na hindi ko naman dapat iniisip at hindi dapat pinapansin. Kasi naka-focus ako sa kung anong isusulat ko every Saturday, na-fo-force ako na mag-isip ng isusulat every Saturday.

Kung ang goal ko dati was to reach more page views ngayon ang goal ko na dito sa blog ko na ito is to surprise myself just like how my friend got surprised when she learned about my blog. Ang saya kaya manggulat diba? Napanuod mo ba yong mga IG stories ni Chris Evans? Yong naggugulatan silang magkapatid? Sobrang cute kaya ni Chris Evans kapag nagugulat. Diba? Lalo ko siyang minamahal. Charing. 😆So....anong connect ni Chris Evans dito? Wala lang. Gusto ko lang siyang banggitin. Off topic pa more. 

Also when the time comes I want to look back and compare my present self to my past self. Minsan kasi kahit sarili mo nalilimutan mo na na minsan pala sa buhay mo favorite mo yong isang bagay o pagkain tapos ngayon ayaw mo nang tikman dahil iba na yong panlasa mo. O kaya naman yong favorite movie o show mo ngayon pero after five years mapapatanong ka na lang sa sarili mo na "bakit ko 'to pinanuod?" o kaya "bakit ko 'to nagustuhan?" 

My goal for this blog is to serve as a reminder to me about how or who I was like before and compare with who I am today. 

Again....Happy 8th Anniversary to us. Here's to more Saturdays (or any day that I feel like writing) with you, more chika, (hopefully) more concert to watch and more memorable stories to share. Thank you for the past 8 years. More years to come. 🙌

Ciao. 😊