Ang sarili kong mundo

Sometimes our plans don't happen just the way we imagined them. Things happen that we have no control over. We tend to rely on our present circumstances. We forget that what will happen tomorrow, or even an hour from now, is totally beyond our control. We can plan everything that we want to happen in our lives. What do we want to be five years from now? Where do we want to be 10 years from now? Who are we going to marry? Name it. But at the end of the day, we all know that some plans don't work out just like that. Plan all you want, but there's no guarantee that it's going to happen. You can write in your planner everything you want to accomplish within a year, a month, a week, or a day. It's so easy to write. It's so easy to plan. But some unpredicted events occur. The truth is, we have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow. Of course, we want to be optimistic and hope that we can execute our plans for tomorrow. But life doesn't always go that way. Th

Unlike my mother, who I have been living with for almost my whole life, me and my father didn't have the same longevity living together. Not because of anything, but because my father only wanted to give us the most comfortable life that he could possibly give. My father was a seafarer. Most of his life was spent on the boat. He goes home more or less every 2 years. With a vacation of not more than 3 months. The way of communicating back then wasn't as high-tech as now. I remember that he would send my mother snail mail that sometimes had his voice tape. And in return, my mother would send him letters and sometimes greeting cards for his birthday and for Christmas. Of course, they would read them late, or in advance, because of the time it would take before receiving the mail. I also remember how my mother would urge me to write letters to him to let him know about my grades in school. Sometimes my mother would send him my picture, and she would tell me to write a dedication at

Happy Pride Month to all the members of the LGBTQIA+ community. I am glad that you have the courage to be what you want to be. In this world full of judgement, coming out is truly an act of bravery. It just goes to show that you're not afraid to be judged by other people. Not everyone has the same fearlessness as yours. But let's be honest, not all members of the LGBTQIA+ community have come out already. Some are still trying to figure things out. While some are still confused about their real sexual preference, on the other hand, there are those who are afraid to come out. Probably because they have a reputation, they don't wait to taint it. They think that once they come out, people will judge them and won't respect them anymore. And, I guess, that's one of the worst places to be. Being confused and afraid about what other people might say or think. Because, truthfully, not all members of the LGBTQIA+ community are given proper respect. Others see them as weak, so

If I could reside in another country, I would choose to live in Scotland. I haven't been there, but I hope one day I can go there to personally witness its beauty. To be honest, I don't have much idea about the country. I don't know about their culture, their cuisine, or even the language that they speak. I just saw it on social media, and I am mesmerized by it. Every time I see pictures of it, I want to immediately book a flight and go there. I find the place visually appealing. All of a sudden, I want to pack my bags and live there every time I see videos of it. Unlike other countries, I find Scotland slow-paced. Like, you wouldn't feel the need to rush. You can simply take your time in the morning while going to work. And after work, you can enjoy the night peacefully. The tranquility of the place is incomparable. The way I see it, it seems that it has a small population. The tourists who go there are few, or at least that's what I think. I just love that it'

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. Someone who eats in a restaurant all by herself doesn't mean that they are lonely. Someone who chooses to travel alone doesn't mean that she is sad. Someone who chooses to watch a movie in the theater by himself isn't lonely.  There are probably some people who choose to travel alone because they want to get away from a painful situation. They want to breathe some fresh air. But not all people choose to do that for the same reason. There are people who would rather go alone than wait for other people to join them. Simply because they enjoy doing things alone. They don't need someone to be with them because they are perfectly okay by themselves. Watching someone eat alone in a restaurant might give others a feeling of sadness, but that's not how it truly is. There are some who choose to eat alone because it's their way of destressing. But not all who eat in a restaurant alone have the same reason. Some people prefer to g

If life is short, then why don't we dance like no one is watching? If life is short, then why don't we sing like no one's listening? If life is so short, then why do people wait for Friday to have fun? If life is short, then why do people still make plans instead of opting for spontaneity? If life is short, then why do we wait until we're ready to do something? If life is short, then why do we wait for our friends to be available instead of just going solo? If life is short, then why don't we just eat what we want without counting the calories? If life is short, then why do people choose anger over forgiveness or bitterness? If life is short, then why do people want to prove that they are right? If life is short, then why do people choose to hate instead of love? If life is short, then why do some people choose to argue and fight? If life is short, then why don't we just choose to be kind? If life is short, then why don't we just do the things that we love?

Unlike my father, I had a lot of memories with my mother. I practically lived my whole life with her. In her house. So, we've seen each other's good and bad days. I can say I've witnessed most of her highs and lows. But I'll tell you, if you're going to ask her about me, she'll probably tell you that I am the kid who doesn't care about her, or basically about anything. Well, that's what I'll always be in her eyes. Someone who doesn't give a damn. 😊 Because I have my own world. 😂 Anyway, as I've said, we have a lot of memories together. But there's this one unforgettable moment I had with her. This happened back when I was in high school. If I remember it right, it was during my freshman year. When I was still studying, I never needed an alarm clock. My mother served as my alarm clock from elementary to college. She would always wake me up every morning. My class starts at 7:00 a.m., but she wakes me up at 5:00 a.m. To think that the sch

During one of the job interviews that I attended, an interviewer asked me about the biggest mistake I made when I was in college. The question shocked me because I never expected it. I mean, it's not one of the questions I was expecting. It's far from the "How can you see yourself 5 years from now?" type of question. But, of course, I had to answer it. I told her that not enjoying my college days fully was the biggest mistake I made back in college. It was what popped into my mind in that moment. I focused more on my academics and didn't enjoy my time, I added.  It was just recently that I read on social media some news about a graduate student who said almost the same thing during his speech at their graduation. If my memory serves me right, he's a Magna Cum Laude. And if I'm going to give any advice to students, I will tell them to take it easy and not to put too much pressure on themselves. Because getting high grades in school won't guarantee you a

So for today's blog, I have here a list of some Batangan words that you've probably heard someone say but had not even the slightest clue what that word meant. These are just some of the most common words widely spoken here in Batangas. And as far as I can, I'll try to explain them to you so that the next time you hear them, you won't wonder what they just said exactly.  Aba nga naman-  This is an expression that means absolute amazement. You couldn't believe someone did such an amazing job. Or you couldn't believe that something beautiful came out of nothing. We don't say, "Good job." Instead, here in Batangas we say, "Aba nga naman."  Aba'y awan-  Here in Batangas, we don't say, "Hindi ko alam. / Malay ko." Instead, we say, 'Aba'y awan. Hindi ko alaman." ala-  This word implies disapproval. When someone says something and we don't agree, we don't say, "Hindi. Mali ka diyan. / Ayoko niyan."

"I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathin'."  This is a famous line from one of The Script's songs, Breakeven, and there's no better line that could possibly describe my current situation than this. I am running out of reasons to stay alive. Every day has always been the same as the others.  It was just a few weeks ago when I thought that things would finally change. But what I thought was true turned out to just be an illusion. The bubble that I'm in suddenly burst. Nothing has changed. I'm still here, feeling stuck and miserable. Good thing I have our dog. He's my ray of sunshine.  I'm so sick of feeling this way. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate the feeling of losing that tiny hope that I'm holding on to. I hate that I have high expectations. I hate that I couldn't make things right. I hate the feeling of not being good enough. I hate feeling that I am not capable of doing anything. I hate feeling lost. I hate being clueless

The COVID-19 pandemic has probably turned the lives of most people in 360 degrees. A lot has changed since it started. We're probably not the same people we were when COVID-19 was just getting started. The pandemic has changed us into different people. We may not recognize these changes right away, but when we look back, we can see what we've become because of the COVID-19 pandemic. If there's one good thing that came out of this pandemic, it was definitely personal growth. I think we all experience it in one way or another. I'd like to say that most of us became better people. Personally, I became kinder and more understanding. Before, I used to be unkind to most people that I encountered. I thought highly about myself. I used to be so self-centered. I would say mean things about other people. I used to see things only from my own perspective. I never realized back then that we all go through different struggles in life. Some are just good at hiding them. We all have p

I probably shared with you in the past how I struggled to find a job. I've been to a lot of job interviews. And when I say a lot, I mean a looooooooot. I couldn't count how many job interviews I attended. Whether virtually or on site. There's this one interview that goes on top of the worst interviews I attended. It was somewhere in Pasig. It was an agency. I saw the job posting online, so I sent my resume. They texted me and told me that I had an interview. So I went there. ‎  I am not used to wearing shoes with heels. So every time I attended an interview back then, I always left the house wearing flat shoes. I just bring with me other shoes with heels. Then I'll change before the interview when I'm already near the area. But when I had this interview, one of the soles detached from the flat that I was wearing. I was feeling it before I rode the bus, then it fell off when I was already inside the bus. So I had to wear the shoes with high heels that I brought. The

I am grateful for today because I got the chance to see another day. There were a lot of times when I told God before I went to sleep not to wake me up in the morning. I told Him I'd already had enough in this lifetime. I don't want to wake up anymore. I have no reason to be alive anymore. Yet, up to this morning, He still continues to wake me up. So I have to be grateful for that. There are some people who aren't given a chance anymore to see another day. But I did, and for that I should be grateful.  I am grateful for last weekend. I was able to visit the place where I was born and spent most of my childhood. I was able to breathe fresh air. I got to see some relatives. I got the chance to rest my mind and divert my attention to other things. I am grateful that in those two days, I was able to stop myself from overthinking.  I am grateful to my third grade teacher because she visited me even though it should have been the other way around. She went to our house. She said

I used to be a happy kid. I used to laugh at the lamest jokes. But what happened to that kid? Where did she go? I am not at my best as of this writing. I haven't been okay in the past decade. It tried to act okay and feel okay. But the feelings that I've been running from for the last 12 years happen to resurface now. I feel overwhelmed with everything that's been going on around me. It's true what they say, "Misery loves company."  A lot has been going on around me lately. I feel worried about a lot of things. Family issues, identity crises and being jobless. A lot of chaos in my head. I know that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. I know I can't be happy all the time. But I don't want to be sad anymore. This past 3 years, that's what composed the majority of my feelings. I feel so empty. I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to feel okay again. Not happy, just okay. Not perfect, just okay. Not over the moon, just okay. Not ecsta

‎Last Saturday, March 9, 2024, for the first time, I was able to witness Ed Sheeran perform live at the SMDC Festival Grounds. The concert features two other artists. One was Callum Scott, and the other was one of the Filipino prides, the band Ben & Ben.  I was anticipating Ed Sheeran's concert here in the Philippines. I'm a fan of his songs. Who isn't, anyway? It was, I think, October last year when it was announced that he would be having a concert here. I was excited when I heard about it. Then I saw the price of his tickets. I wanted to watch him closer, but the ticket was a bit pricey. It was already the day of ticket sales when I finally decided to watch. I settled for the ticket that my wallet could afford. It's better to be there physically, even far, than to simply watch snippets of his concert through my newsfeed. Fortunately, despite the long queue online, I still scored a ticket. I was really meant to watch his concert, I thought to myself. When I arrive

Here's to all the women in all parts of the world. Happy International Women's Month to us! Menstruation hasn't always been easy. PMS isn't a joke. Giving birth to a child is hard.  Here's to all the mothers and grandmothers, including the soingle mothers. You are the glue that holds your family together. Nothing compares to the sacrifices a mother does just to keep the family strong. You never get tired of serving your family. Always making sure that your children eat at the right time. You always attend to them when they are sick. You are their very first teacher. You have always been their lawyer, always defending them when someone tries to hurt them. You always make sure that your children are safe. You never want them to be hurt. Their pain is also your pain. Here's to all the single ladies who would rather not be with anyone else. Not wanting to have your own children or build your own family doesn't make you less of a person. Being childless and singl

I strongly believe in karma. I believe that you reap what you sow.  Karma is real. You get what you deserve. If you are bad to people, do not expect others to treat you fairly. You can't expect something you aren't willing to give. Perhaps the people that you aren't treating right don't reciprocate your cruelty. But time will come; out of nowhere, there will be someone who will make you feel triple the suffering that you made other people feel.  You have no idea how the wheel can turn all of a sudden. When the time comes, that's when you will realize everything that you've done to other people. When a random stranger unexpectedly helps you when you need it the most, or when no one helps you when you badly need help. That's the only time you will realize what you have done in the past to deserve such help, or what you did to other people, because it seems that no one wants to help you.  When you treat people right, they will treat you right in return. Sometim

Deciding on something is truly one of the hardest things to do, especially if it's a major one.There are a lot of things to consider and consequences to face after. The most difficult part is that you don't know whether or not the choice you make is the right one. So,  when can you say that you made the right choice?  For me, you can say you've made the right choice when you can find joy inside your heart. Not simply happiness, but joy. Because happiness is just a feeling, and feelings are temporary. Joy is long-lasting. When you feel joyful, somehow you feel peaceful as well. There is no room for you to feel any regret. All you can feel is positivity. You wouldn't wonder what would happen if you chose the other option. You wouldn't even second-guess the choice that you make. You feel content. You wouldn't even care what other people think. Because deep inside your heart, you know you've chosen the right one. You wouldn't wait for other people's vali

Last Tuesday, February 13, 2024, I officially launched my online small business called Crafts by Bato-Balani. The idea started last year. I have loved creating DIY items ever since. I was making a storage box then, but I couldn't think of how I'd make the cover of the box. I was thinking about how it wouldn't fall off easily. So, I thought of putting a magnet on it. As I was browsing on an e-commerce site, I came across this shop that sells materials for making keychains out of clay and/or resin. Then I asked myself why I hadn't thought of doing that before? I mean, making items out of clay and selling them. When I was a kid, I loved making figures out of clay.  After I finished my storage box, I decided to buy tools that I could use in my clay-making. I bought only the basics: sculpting tools, a rolling pin, and, of course, clay. I started practicing creating shapes. I thought it wouldn't take me long to practice since I'm already familiar with clay. I would sa

We tend to be blind when we love. Because it says that, "Love keeps no record of wrongs." we are inclined to believe that it's okay even if the people we love mistreat us. We feel okay with it because we understand and because we love them. But, of course, we are humans. We feel pain. We get hurt even by the people we thought would never hurt us. It hurts most when we are hurt by the people that we love. We think that they won't hurt us simply because they love us. But surprisingly, they hurt us and did it more than we expected. At times, the people that we love take us for granted. They tend to disregard our feelings. They think that we are immune to feeling hurt. They think that we are okay with their mistreatment of us. Since we don't react, we just suffer silently. We think that we shouldn't be mad at them because we love them. Especially when they are family. Or sometimes we gaslight ourselves. We think that we're just overreacting. And it's impro

Dear You,  I just want to say hi. I hope you're doing fine. I hope that everything is going well in your life. I want you to know that I am proud of you. I am proud of the way you handle things lately, especially the hard situations in your life. I am so proud that, despite all the uncertainties, you still chose to live. You are a fighter for doing that.  Know that you don't have to achieve anything big to say that you are proud of yourself. Be proud of all the things, big or small, that you are able to achieve. I know how hard you try every single day just to fight the battles inside yourself that no one knows about. I know that each day you do your best to not kill anyone. Just kidding. But seriously, I know that you do your best and with all your might just to be nice to everyone you encounter. You don't want to hurt anyone. You just want to spread kindness and positivity to everyone that you meet. It's just that you cannot really avoid people who seem to test your p

It's nice to be treated special every once in a while. I mean, who wouldn't want to feel like a queen, even if you aren't living in a palace? But there are times when the treatment doesn't feel good anymore. Perhaps you feel like it's not genuine. It's forced. Or sometimes, you feel like they do it out of pity. Personally, it feels weird to be treated special. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the "spotlight." Like, my own food differs from everyone else's. There are times when other people walk on eggshells around me. Because they don't want to hurt my feelings, or that's what they think. They think that I'm too fragile to handle the truth or that I'm not capable of handling difficult situations. But from my point of view, I feel so out of place every time they do that. I feel ignored. I feel neglected. I feel like I'm still a little kid. The irony is that people treat me as a child, but they expect me to act like an ad

There comes a point in our lives when we decide to move forward. Sometimes we feel trapped in our emotions. There are times when we realize that letting go is the most needed decision that we have to make. And often times, moving forward is better than staying where you are. Moving forward isn't always that easy. You have to take the route that, at times, will crush you. You're not yet willing to leave what you've been holding on to. Somehow, you still hope that when you stay, things will change on their own. Sometimes holding on provides us with self-satisfaction. We are willing to endure the pain. Odd as it may seem, pain makes us connected to the person or the moment. That's why we're not ready to let go just yet. Once we decide to move forward, it doesn't mean that we're totally forgetting everything. It simply means that we no longer want to be prisoners of our emotions. We want to be free and let go of everything that weighs us down. We don't want

With a new beginning comes the promise of hope. Hope that things will be better. Hope that things will change for the better. Hope that a new beginning will create new opportunities.  Oftentimes, the beginning is the hardest. It means you have to step into the unknown. You have to go back to square one. There are some who have to start from scratch. There is no manual available to read on how to navigate. You just have to figure everything out as you go along the way. And with a new beginning comes change. That's why some people hate to begin. A new beginning means you have to let go of the old. You have to deal with change. You have to be open to new possibilities. You have to embrace the uncertainty. But you have to trust the magic of a new beginning. You have to believe that something wonderful is going to happen. You have to believe that what lies ahead is better than what you left behind. Just like every time the sun rises, it's a promise of a new day. It's another cha