State of Mind

"I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathin'." 

This is a famous line from one of The Script's songs, Breakeven, and there's no better line that could possibly describe my current situation than this. I am running out of reasons to stay alive. Every day has always been the same as the others. 

It was just a few weeks ago when I thought that things would finally change. But what I thought was true turned out to just be an illusion. The bubble that I'm in suddenly burst. Nothing has changed. I'm still here, feeling stuck and miserable. Good thing I have our dog. He's my ray of sunshine. 

I'm so sick of feeling this way. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate the feeling of losing that tiny hope that I'm holding on to. I hate that I have high expectations. I hate that I couldn't make things right. I hate the feeling of not being good enough. I hate feeling that I am not capable of doing anything. I hate feeling lost. I hate being clueless about what I have to do with my life. I hate the feeling that I am wasting my time. I hate the feeling that I am running out of time to do the things that I want to do. I hate feeling unworthy.

But, I guess, there's no other option now but to continue living. Despite all the setbacks that I am facing, I have to be okay. I know that nothing is permanent in this world. Eventually, things will change for the better. I know that all of this will make sense one day. But for now, I have to be okay with the fact that I am not okay. Every experience that I have is an essential part of my story. Every struggle has a purpose. Every challenge has a lesson. 

It's hard to stay alive. Life seems to be unfair at times. But I've already been through this, and I know that I can get through it again. Better days are coming. It won't always feel like this. I know I also deserve the good things in life. The time will come when things will finally fall into place. It's just a matter of time. Life is tough, but so am I.




au revoir. 😊

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Worst Job Interview Experience

I probably shared with you in the past how I struggled to find a job. I've been to a lot of job interviews. And when I say a lot, I mean a looooooooot. I couldn't count how many job interviews I attended. Whether virtually or on site. There's this one interview that goes on top of the worst interviews I attended. It was somewhere in Pasig. It was an agency. I saw the job posting online, so I sent my resume. They texted me and told me that I had an interview. So I went there. ‎  I am not used to wearing shoes with heels. So every time I attended an interview back then, I always left the house wearing flat shoes. I just bring with me other shoes with heels. Then I'll change before the interview when I'm already near the area. But when I had this interview, one of the soles detached from the flat that I was wearing. I was feeling it before I rode the bus, then it fell off when I was already inside the bus. So I had to wear the shoes with high heels that I brought. The
Next

Sat With Ree: Jab We'll Done

Image
Surprisingly, I had my 2nd dose of anti-covid vaccine earlier than I was expecting. It happened last Monday, November 22. If you want to read about what happened during my first dose just click this.  I already expected a long line and a lot of people in the vaccination site, so I wasn't surprised when I got there. It was crowded. It felt like I went to school for an enrolment because there are really a lot of children there with their own chaperone.  I went there at almost two in the afternoon. The good thing is that there are designated lines for children, for those who will be having their first dose, and for second dose. There were only 3 people in the line for the second dose when I got there.  Unlike during my first dose where I didn't wait that long, this time the waiting took me three hours to get my second dose vaccine. Fortunately, there was a waiting area outside and it wasn't raining, but it was the hottest time of the day. I had my blood pressure checked before
Next

Sat With Ree: Westlife The Twenty Tour

Image
Tell me you're a 90's kid without telling me that you're a 90's kid.  So, I say a little prayer  And hope my dreams will take me there  Where the skies are blue  To see you once again, my love  Overseas, from coast to coast  To find a place I love the most  Where the fields are green  To see you once again  My love Taas ang dalawang paa nong mga napakanta. Yieeeeeeee. If you know the song you definitely had an amazing childhood. Natatandaan ko nong bata pa ako nanghihiram pa kami ng VCD ng Westlife don sa tiyohin namin na kapitbahay lang namin. Ang laman ng VCD syempre music video ng Westlife. Tapos yong pinsan ko tili ng tili tuwing nanunuod lalo na kapag si Nicky yong pinapakita. Crush na crush niya kasi noon si Nicky. Tapos ang bet ko noon si Mark. Ang kukulit kasi nila don sa mga music videos nila. Tapos kapag Saturday sa Channel 5 (hindi ko alam kung anong name nong channel basta Channel 5 siya sa amin) music video yong mga pinapalabas. Kasama don yong 'Bop Bop
Next