Sat With Ree: In My 20's

Since in just 3 days I'll be another year older (if God permits), tonight I feel like reminiscing. I want to look back in the past (almost) 10 years and share with you some of the highlights of my 20's. 

I still have a vivid memory of my 20th birthday. It was my last year in college. We were working on our thesis that time. We were in the library, I together with my 3 frIends. It was lunch time already so we're heading out. Outside the library my three friends surprised me with a cupcake with two candles on top together with their gifts laying on top of the table. Then after we had our lunch, we went back to school. Upon entering our classroom, my classmates started singing "Christmas In Our Hearts." LOL. Of course, Happy Birthday. It felt like I was back in grade school once again. I cried that night of my birthday, because of the letter given to me by one of my friends. Those were happy tears, though. 

The start of my 20's had been quite eventful. I was 20 years old when I had the most dreaded subject during our college— the Thesis. Surprisingly, I had fun doing our thesis except during the defense, of course. I enjoyed our thesis making probably because my group mates were my friends plus our two other classmates, 'cause each group should have six members. Plus our topic was about the resort business here in Batangas, that's why we were able to visit some of the resorts here. We went to Laiya, San Juan, but for some reasons which I couldn't remember anymore, we weren't able to conduct any interview to the owner of our chosen resorts. But it was still a memorable experience, because it was my first time in Laiya. We were able to walk on the white sand and explore some of the resorts there. 

We also went to Nasugbu and Calatagan to try our luck to conduct the interview. Fortunately, the resort owners and managers were very accommodating. We only saw one beach resort which was the Lago De Oro. Unlike in Laiya where the resorts were just beside each other, Nasugbu and Calatagan were more private. Resorts there are far from each another. There was one resort that we visited, but we weren't able to see the whole property because we were only allowed at the reception area. We only saw plants and trees surrounding the area. 

I was also  20 years old when I had one of the best times of my life. It was my OJT. It started on November 2011 and lasted till January 2012. If I could go back in time, those were the days that I would be more than happy to revisit. 

How can I forget? I was also 20 years old when I graduated from college. Just when I thought that the end of my school days life would become a lot easier and simpler, life gave me the exact opposite. Coldplay was right 

"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard"

Wait, I was also 20 years old when I had my very first job. It was an on-call job as an Events Assistant. My first salary was 250.00, since it was just my first time in the job. Then I got 300.00 on my second event. I didn't take the job seriously that time because I don't want an on-call kind of job. I want a permanent one with a fixed schedule and salary. I was so ambitious that time (maybe until now😑). It was only recently when I asked myself why I took that job for granted. Few years back, I realized that I wanted that kind of job. I want to be a part of different events, especially weddings. I remember my last event, I was assigned to open the church door for the bridal march. That moment when I was about to open the door got me teary-eyed. I don't know why, but it did. It felt so surreal and I want to experience more of that. I had the job for only a month. 

Then I was 21 years old when I experienced the most painful year of my 20's. It was May 2013 when my father joined our Creator. I know that he is in a best place now, but it was so hard to accept. Until now it still pains me everytime I remember that he's gone and I can't believe it sometimes. 

I spent most of my time job searching. It was an unending search and sending of resume. I got shortlisted on some company, but I always receive a "don't call us, we'll call you" after every interview. 

At 22 I had the chance to went back to Laiya, San Juan. And that time, we went there for an overnight swimming together with my friends. I had a blog about it, if you want to read just click this. And I also went to see a movie alone in the cinema for the first time. It wasn't weird, I enjoyed it to the point that I watched it again since it was still early and I don't want to go home, yet. The movie was Step Up 5. I watched it because I had (still have, but just slight now😄)  a huge crush with Ryan Guzman. 😍

When I was 23 years old I had my second job. It was an online job. I was a virtual assistant. It was also like an on-call job, the difference was that I was the one to ask for an "assignment" if I want one, or more like, if I want money. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy to earn money from the job. It was literally "hard-earned," but I needed money, (or at least that's what I thought) so I had to do the job. It was 2019 when I stopped asking for assignments, simply because I wasn't happy anymore with what I'm doing. It felt like I was always stressed that time, and the worst part was that I blamed my stress to the people around me.

The most unforgettable moment I had when I was 24 years old was when we went to the Marian Orchard in Balete, Batangas. Together with my family, we went there during the Holy Week. Since it was our first time going there, we got lost on our way. We were riding a jeepney that time and the weather was too hot. We arrived there after countless asking of the driver for the right direction to every person that he saw on the street. 😁 It was fun, though. Looking back, I missed those days when life was a lot simpler than it is today. 

It was during my 21-24 years when I struggled so hard in finding a job. I already talked about it countless times in my previous blogs, so it feels like I am being redundant already if I say any more word about it. Those were really tough years for me. I already planned my life after I graduated from college. I gave my self a timeline of the goals that I want to attain. When all of my plans didn't work out, I was so disappointed with myself. I was pressuring myself simply because I am seeing that my classmates from college already have their job and even those who were younger than me. I mean, why it seemed so easy for them to land a job? I thought I was being left behind. I was also adjusting with my "new normal." I thought that I, being at home was just temporary, because eventually I'll land a job and move to other place. I wasn't used to being at home all the time, because all throughout  college I spent most of my time outside. I only went home to sleep. Just kidding, but sort of. 😝 Plus the fact that during my OJT I felt so independent, that's why I looked forward to experience those same kind of days. I had a hard time accepting the reality. I felt like I was stuck in this kind of life. I was jobless, I felt so hopeless and at the same time I felt so worthless. My mindset that time time was that I'll only be happy once I got employed. 

I came to the point when I realized that I needed a restart. It made me asses myself and thought that I don't want to be like this forever. I can't be disappointed with myself forever. I felt isolated even with a lot of people around me. I was constantly waiting for things to go my way, and I should change that. I thought that I needed to change something in my life. It's time for me to go back to my old, happy self. It was when I turned 25 when these realizations hit me.

I had a plan on spending my 25th birthday at Disneyland in Hong Kong. Mind you, I was jobless, but I had the audacity to plan my birthday outside the country. Of course, it didn't push through. It's as if Hong Kong Disneyland was just one bus ride away from our home, but a girl can dream. 😑 I had an online job, but it wasn't enough to continue with the plan. 

At the age of 25 I learned to just go with the flow. I mean I stopped pressuring myself into finding a job. I realized that this is my life now so I should just accept where I am and embrace it wholeheartedly. Of course, it was easier said than done. I still tried for one last time, even though I already told myself that I already had enough rejection and I can't take one more. It wasn't that easy to just give up, you know. Because giving up means that I have to set aside my dreams, and I was not willing. I already planned my life and I didn't want to rearrange or change any of it, because I badly wanted it to happen. I think I overestimated and expected so much from myself that's why I was really disappointed when my plans fail. I thought I had it all figured out. 

It took me five years to realize that we can plan our life, but only God has the power to turn it into a reality. It was the time when I started to feel like myself again; I began to see life in a different perspective. "What's meant to be will eventually find its way to me," suddenly became my mantra. I learned to appreciate where I am, because I know that this is where I was supposed to be. I stopped finding happiness because I realized that I cannot find it, I have to create it for myself. I learned not to force things and not to expect anything to avoid any disappointment. I learned not to be afraid about the future, because I know that God already provided everything for me. 

The most unforgettable moment in my 25 years was when I experienced the strongest earthquake I've ever experienced in my life. I wrote about it in one of my past blogs. Click this to read. 

At 25 I was able to visit for the first time the Monte Maria Shrine in Pagkilatan, Batangas. Since that day, I looked forward going back to that place again. It suddenly became one of my favorite places. Another memorable experience I had was when I joined the field trip of my niece and nephew. We went to Pampanga and Subic. Again, I had a blog about it if you want to read. Also, I had my first time experience eating in a Yellow Cab restaurant. I also went to Duty Free (Parañaque) for the very first time. 

I think that was the year when I felt renewed, since I wasn't my best self in the last four years. That was the year when I started to deal with the reality, and made me focus on the now instead of dreading the future.  

One of the highlights of my 26th year was when my siblings were all here for a vacation. I think the last time our family was complete was in 2003. After 14 years, we were almost complete. Almost, because my father wasn't with us anymore. Our family went swimming at Camp Pulong Gubat in Cuenca Batangas. We also ate out a couple of times which we haven't done before as a complete family. One of my most favorite part was going to the airport to pick up my siblings. Airport is probably one of my most favorite places to go to. Another favorite trip of mine when I was 26 was when our family went to Talahib. I loved the part when we were riding the boat going back to Batangas. That moment was very calming and so peaceful. It wasn't my first time to ride a boat or go to Talahib, but that was the first time I experienced that kind of calmness and serenity. It was so relaxing seeing the ray of lights illuminating from the cottages in the resorts in Anilao (it was already afternoon and the weather was gloomy, hence the light) with matching music that I was playing, and the cold breeze. That moment was so perfect, I want to experience it all over again.

One of my most favorite memories from my 26th was when I got the chance to went back to Makati again. I had my OJT there and I really had the best times during my stay there. I felt a bit emotional when I came back, because it brought me back some of the fondest memories I had there. It made me want to stay a bit longer or maybe forever. LOL. Surely, Makati will always have a special place in my heart. 

Another highlight of my 26th year was my first ever Araneta Coliseum concert experience. We watched LANY. If you want to know more about my concert experience, just click here. 

If you think that was it, I still have something to share. For the first time in my life, I went to Tagaytay. I was with my two friends. We had lunch at the Bag of Beans, we went to Sky Ranch and we went for a cup of coffee with the view of the Taal Lake. I was surprised with the heavy flow of traffic there. Because it was our first time there, and we went there commute, we sort of got lost. We only planned to go in there, but we didn't plan any specific destination on where in Tagaytay we're heading. It was truly an adventure. Through God's guidance we were able to went back home in one piece. 😆

It's just now that I realized that my 26th year was full of happy memories. This is probably one of my best years and definitely one of my favorites in my 20's.

The most unforgettable memory I had when I was 27 was when we attended a mass in Padre Pio Shrine in Sto. Tomas Batangas. The heart relic of Saint Padre Pio was there. There were really a lot of people who went there to see and touch the heart relic. We attended the mass but we weren't able to touch the relic. When we got home I saw that the mass we attended was live on facebook, so I watched it and I found myself caught by the camera. It really made me so happy. We went back again at the Shrine because my mother really wanted to touch the heart relic. We went there evening, but the flow of traffic was still heavy and there were still a lot of people. Fortunately, we were able to touch the heart relic of St. Padre Pio. I felt so blessed. It was truly a privilege. 

For the second time, I had the chance to watch LANY live in concert again. I wrote about the concert in one of my previous blogs, so you know the drill. 

Definitely the highlight of my 27th year and probably one of my most favorite in my 20's, and a memory that I will cherish forever, was when I got the chance to watch Westlife performed live in concert at the Araneta Coliseum. It was truly one for the books. If you want to read about my first ever Westlife concert experience just click this. 

One of my most treasured memories from my 28th year was when I went back to Makati again. It always excites me everytime I get a chance to revisit the place. Another favorite memory of mine was when we went to MOA together with my family, not all of us, though. Little did I know that it would take so long before we can go back to that place again, because hello, pandemic. 

At 28 I took an online free course in Coursera entitled Making Architecture. I tried it because lately I've been interested with interior designing, but I couldn't find any free course for interior design. I only found Architecture class, so I tried. Surprisingly, I finished the course and I had fun doing the projects. I also wrote about it, so might as well read it, if you want. 

Who would have thought that pandemic birthday exists? I am on the last year of my 20's. I think my serotonin level was extremely low at this age. I don't know why, but I definitely cried a lot these past months more than I should. I am used to being at home most of the time, so being in quarantine doesn't have to make any difference, but it surely did. I even asked God a couple of times, "Lord, please po sana po huwag akong mabaliw dito. Huwag Niyo pong papahintulutan." Because I think I was already on the verge, but I know that He won't allow that to happen. 

Last April, one of the dogs (Cooper) owned by my sister-in-law died. I really cried a lot starting from when he was ill, then eventually got weak until he couldn't take it anymore. Then after almost a month, another dog (Yuki) died. I never thought that I would cry over a dog/dogs. And it wasn't just a one-time cry.  Before, I find it hilarious when I hear someone said that she cried because her dog died. Because I don't get it why someone would cry over a dog, I mean why? Now I understand the feeling. To think that they weren't mine, to begin with. It was truly heartbreaking. That's when I knew I don't want to own a dog, because the emotional attachment was really unexplainable. 

Another added factor to my already emotional 29th year was when my aunt died last July. It was too sudden. Up until now I still can't believe that she's gone and it breaks my heart everytime I remember her. 

My emotional intelligence was really tested during this last year of my 20's. I know how sensitive I was before, but it feels like it doubled, or even tripled now. 

With everything that is happening around the world without even mentioning this pandemic, all I want is a peace of mind and a peaceful environment. It made me want to go back in time when life was still normal and a lot simpler. 

I'm sick and tired of hearing people complain. I don't want any more stressor adding to my already chaotic mind. What I want now is to just be very, very quiet, because the world is already loud enough. I don't want to add any unnecessary noise. I mean, why do people want to talk a lot, even though they're talking non sense? I'm not complaining, though, just asking. 

The best thing that happened to me in my 29th year was when I became closer to God. He proved me that He is the only one whom I can run to everytime I need a friend or when I need someone whom I can share all the chaos that's going on inside my mind. When my heart feels heavy, He's the one that I always talk to. Even before I say a word, I know that He already know what's inside my heart. He's the only one who can give me peace when things become unfathomable. Truly, He's the only one I can depend on. 

My 20's had been one hell of a ride. It made me realize that life isn't all rainbows and unicorns. Many times I tried, I cried and then I gave up, but it showed me that whatever I'm going through life still goes on. Time doesn't stop. It always continue to tick even when things aren't well. I learned that I get to decide whether I want to be miserable forever or to stand up again after the many times I fall. It taught me that life doesn't work the way we planned it and we don't always get what we want. I realized that it is not necessary to force things and just let them take their own course.

One of the best lessons I learned from my 20's was to save money. 😆 Another important lesson is to be kind to everyone as much as possible, because there are some people who were fighting silent battles that we know nothing about. It is also necessary to always choose to understand, be patient and respect one another. People can be irrational at times, but just let them be, because at the end of the day they will only see what they want to see,  hear only what they want to hear and believe what they want to believe. Mainly the reason why you don't have to explain your side of the story, let them be wrong about you. Learn when you should say a word and when you should stay quiet. It's true what they say, with the desire of people to prove a point or to be right, they forgot that it is also necessary to be kind. 

This decade taught me to simply focus on things that will add up to my well-being. If it won't add any value to my life, then I don't need it. It also taught me not to compare myself to anyone, and to just focus on bettering myself.  It made me appreciate all the blessings that I once overlooked and took for granted. It also made me dream a new dream and appreciate the simple things in life, because after all, life is really simple. I also learned that there are certain things that is beyond my control and I don't have to worry, because I know that He is the one who is in control of everything. I should not expect things to always go my way, because it's really impossible. 

Most importantly, I learned how to dance in the rain and how to swim in the ocean. This is the reality of life, things go wrong and sometimes all we can do is to simply deal with it.

I still have 3 days left to savour my last year in 20's. So, I guess that's all for tonight, though what I wrote was already the length of a novel. 😆

Ciao. 😊