Sat With Ren: When Your Comfort Zone Isn't Comfortable Anymore

I've spent almost all my life staying in my comfort zone simply because this is where I felt most comfortable. I must admit, I am terrified to get out of it. I've grown comfortable being in here (that's why it's called comfort zone). 

As days go by, I can't find the comfort that I've grown accustomed to. Things weren't the same as they once were, in a bad way. Each day feels like a struggle. It seems like there is a constant throwing of rocks and I am the one who always catches them even though they weren't really aimed at me. 

It feels like I am in an exam hall with my classmates taking a test, and the direction is to find what's wrong—basically in anything. And most of my classmates are all pro in doing so. It looks as though I am back in high school once again. My classmates keep on talking about each other behind their back. Everyone acts kind in front of each other, but they have no idea how they also talk bad about them behind their back. 

I feel like a stress ball absorbing all the tension and stress from someone. And I can't do anything about it, but to take them all in. 

I am a wallflower sitting in one corner. Observing and hearing what others say even though I don't want to anymore. I'm already too fed up with everything I hear. I no longer want to hear them talk anymore. My heart shatters into pieces everytime I hear them talk bad about one another. It pains me to witness how things unfold and realized how they weren't how I thought they were. Right before my eyes, reality hits.

Growing up, I thought I've got an almost perfect comfort zone. Turns out it wasn't. If any, it is the exact opposite. And everyday, I have to bear the consequences of choosing to stay within my comfort zone. Where in fact I have a choice to get out of it. Or do I really have? Maybe I had, but I blew it cause I thought that staying within my comfort zone was the smartest move. This is supposed to be my sanctuary forever. Guess I was wrong. 

Is it still proper to call this a comfort zone when I don't feel like it anymore? This is supposed to be the place where I run everytime I need to find solace and peace. This is supposed to be my happy place. This is supposed to be my safe haven. Except that it isn't any longer. Where do I run to when I want to get out of my comfort zone?

In the end, I only have myself to blame. I was the one who always chose to stay on the safe side. The good thing is that I can still make a choice. All I have to be is be brave enough to step out of my comfort zone. Above all else, I am the one responsible for myself. I am the one who decides what I can tolerate. It's true what they say, "You are one decision away from a totally different life." 

Perhaps our comfort zones were meant to make us feel miserable at some point. For us to realize that it isn't where we're meant to stay. Life outside our comfort zone may not be as convenient. But how are we supposed to grow if we always choose to stay where we feel most comfortable with? How are we supposed to change for the better if we always choose to stay on the safe side? 

au revoir.😊