2021

Dear 2021,

Truth be told, you weren't so easy to deal with. You are probably the most emotionally challenging and mentally abusing year I had. You made me cry a lot even on the things I thought were insignificant and you also made me laugh so hard even on senseless things. The number of times that I cried this year wasn't normal. Thankfully through God's grace I am still able to maintain my sanity. With that being said, you are definitely not going on the list of my favorite years. If you were a movie, I'd give you a 2-star rating. 

I came to a point where I asked God to please don't make me go crazy because of everything that's happening around me—they were totally insane. Things weren't so easy with you, but you left me with no other choice but to survive. It's definitely the best choice, anyway. The best thing you showed me is that God is the only one I can depend on. He became my best friend. People disappoint me at times, but God has always my back, and I am forever indebted in Him. I am forever grateful that He is always there for me and I can be very honest to share all my troubles and be transparent with Him.

You made me realize that no matter how hard I try I can't make people see my worth. I have to see it for myself. I don't have to seek for other people's validation and appreciation because why do I have to? I know that I have to please God instead of people, but a lot of times I forget it. 

You made me time travel to when I was in my early 20's—the time when I was at my lowest. I thought I was past that time of my life, but surprisingly there's a sequel, and you're it. I thought I was already better, but hey 2021... Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too?

You taught me how to become more silent. You taught me that silence is the best response to anything. I don't have to explain to them. People have their own way of understanding things, and unfortunately sometimes you're not in the same level. What you are trying to convey isn't what they perceive. They only hear what they want to hear, and see what they only want to see. You can't expect people to see things the way you do. People will always have their issues and they have reactions to everything even if it doesn't concern them. The best thing that you can do is to let them be. At the end of the day, it's their life, they can do whatever they want to and say whatever they want to say. You made me see that I cannot control everything. And instead of worrying about it, what I need to do is to lift it all up to God. 

Despite everything that happened this year, the one thing that you always make me think is that all of this is just temporary. All of my sentiments will eventually change and turn into praises. Someday this will all make sense.

There was this one time when I was about to sleep. I told God that it will be okay for me if He won't wake me up in the morning. I was already too fed up with everything that's been going on around me. I lost the will to live. Obviously, He still continue to wake me up to this day. So maybe, I still have something to do that I have yet to discover. 

You weren't so good to me, but you made me dream a new dream. You made me want to get out of my comfort zone. I am still clueless about what I really want to do in my life, but you showed me what I don't want my future life to be. You served as an eye-opener for me. Thank you for that.

Thank you for all the tears that I cried. I think I've already cried  enough this year. Every tear that I shed built a more solid and strong foundation for my life.

I wouldn't made it this far without you, Lord. Thank you for struggling with me all throughout the year. Please continue to guide me and bless my family in the new year to come. I am hopeful that 2022 will be a better year that is full of sunshine not only to me, but to all of us. Struggles will be there, but I know that You will give me the strength to endure whatever may come my way, just like You always do. You always hold my hand.

2021, thank you for the lessons and heartaches. You taught me how to be strong.

But you put on quite a show

Really had me goin'

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closin'

That was quite a show

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

2022,

Go easy on me, baby

Love,

Ren