Sat With Ree: A Misfit

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and belonging were placed in the middle of the pyramid before esteem and self actualization. That means that to have confidence in oneself, one must feel that they are loved and that they belong.

Have you heard one of Ava Max's songs with the title 'So Am I?' The opening lines go like this:

Do you ever feel like a misfit? 

Everything inside you is dark and twisted 

Oh, but it's okay to be different 

'Cause baby, so am I

How about Simple Plan's 'Welcome To My Life?' 

Do you ever feel like breaking down? 

Do you ever feel out of place? 

Like somehow you just don't belong 

And no one understands you

Kinda sucks when you feel like you don't belong, isn't it? That's when you start to question your self-worth. It feels like you always have to prove yourself just to feel like you belong. You undervalue yourself because you think that you aren't enough, or will never be enough. It seems like you are always waiting for other people's acceptance. You always feel like you're being left-out. The saddest part is that you are always the last person to know about something. The worst part is that no one even dared to tell you about it, and then they'd be surprised that you didn't know a thing. It seems so easy for other people to blend in effortlessly, like how do they do that? When you feel like you don't belong there is this hole in your heart.  

It's totally discomforting when when you are sorrounded with a lot of people, yet you feel so alone. It's a terrible feeling when you feel so out of place. You just want to run and hide. It feels like you can't relate to whatever they do or say. You're just there standing, smiling, feeling awkward, have no idea what to do, and thinking how you can just escape. Sometimes you have to try hard and adjust just to fit in, other times all you can do is take a step back, turn around, walk away and ask yourself, "why am I not even used to it?" 😒

When I was in high school being out of place was my "way of life." I wrote about it on one of my previous blogs. Just click this if you want to read. I remember one time our teacher in MAPEH asked us to write about some of our problems. In that writing I totally poured out all my emotions about feeling unwanted not only in school, but in all areas of my life. That's the thing I struggled most in my life, since I'm an introvert I really find it hard to blend in with other people and feel like I belong. The funny thing is that the universe continue to put me in a situation that I feel most uncomfortable, like group projects when I was still studying. Probably because to teach me something. 

Eventually, I realized that I don't need to seek belonginess or for other people's acceptance. It made me appreciate my own company. It taught me how to be independent and not to rely to other people. I can't force other people to choose me, or like me, or even to see my worth. Before I search it on other people, I have to value myself first. I have to feel that I am already enough with or without other people's validation. If everyone likes you there must be something wrong with you, or with them. 😂 I don't need to always be included or considered. I am totally fine being my own company. It's a lot peaceful. It's definitely an introvert's ultimate dream, not being surrounded with people. I know the saying that, "no man is an island," but there are times when life gives you no other choice but to stand up for yourself, alone. 

So, if you ever feel like you're always out of place, being left out, or like you don't belong, welcome to my life. Yes, we exist. The thing is you are not totally alone because God is always there with you. You belong to God, and God alone.

Ciao. 😊