BFF

Have you ever experienced a friendship "break up?" Have you ever lost bond with someone you thought would be your BFF?

Back when I was in college, I had a bestfriend. She was my bestfriend for four years. We were classmates all throughout college. We were inseparable that time. We're the kind of "I won't go if you won't go" friends. We used to laugh at the same things. We had the same favorite color. We shared few common interests. We had the same taste when it comes to food. One of our classmates said that if someone was looking for me they should look for my then bestfriend cause surely I was with her, and vice versa. We were also together during our internship. We lived in the same house for more than 2 months. The bond and closeness were really there.

Then came our graduation. Together with our other friends we went job hunting after we graduated. Eventually they landed their own job. I was the only one left jobless. The communication through chat was constant for a few months. We update each other about some happenings in our life. But a little later after our graduation, I had some issue with her. Instead of telling it straight to her, I posted about it on social media where any of my followers could read. She learned about it. She sent us a group message regarding my post that's why I knew she already read it. I remember I cried after reading her message. We talked about it with our other friends. We became okay after our talk. But of course, once the paper was crumpled it will never return to its original form no matter what. If you know what I mean.

We grew distant from each other, literally and metaphorically. She's busy with her her career. I was jobless. She met new friends. The everyday chat became occasional. Long birthday greetings turned into a simple "HBD." There were some moments in her life that I wasn't present, good and bad. We drifted apart. We got together once or thrice after graduation. But I felt that things weren't the same anymore. Things became awkward between us after my issue with her was addressed. I was hesitant to approach her the same way when we were in college. It felt like a lot has happened and we no longer knew each other. 

Up until today everytime I saw our photos together I ask myself, "What happened?" Then I realized that what happened between our friendship was 90% my fault. I should have stopped myself from posting about my problem with her. I should have just kept it to myself. Maybe, just maybe the friendship was saved. We may not be best friends anymore, but hadn't I posted what I posted we could've been still friends. I mean, I still consider her as a friend. I just couldn't help but wish that things didn't change. I wish things didn't get awkward between us.

But I know that things happen for a reason. It happened to teach me a lesson. That if I never want to lose a bond with someone, I should just get past my issue with them. Instead of demanding anything from them, I should understand and respect their choices. I should be careful with what I put on social media. Because everything I say and do will be used against me. Kidding aside, I should think first of the consequences of my actions. And I should be ready to face them. Sometimes it's good to just let things be. And some things are better left unsaid, which I realized only after saying them. Never speak out of anger. Or else, be prepared for the repercussions. 

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and undo things. But I guess it is what it is. Things happened and I couldn't undo them. It's just that I couldn't help but miss the old times. But as Stephen Chbosky said, "Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody." I guess that's just how life goes. We meet new people. We create new memories. But sometimes, people—a.k.a me—find it‎ hard to move on and accept the fact the things have already changed. 

au revoir. 😊