"Caspian"
Originally posted on
August 16, 2016
I am not wishing that I hadn't known you cause I know it's an impossible thing to happen. I just wish I can control my feeling for you while it's still growing. It's been what? 18 years?
I unfriend you on Facebook few years back. Did you notice it? Guess you didn't. But behind that "unfriend-ing" I am secretly hoping that one of these days you'll notice it and you're gonna send me a friend request. Silly me to think that you care and you'll actually do that.
If there's one thing that I appreciate from you, it's the fact that you didn't give me even the tiniest chance that you like me back. Hindi ka pa-hopia. Kudos to that. I know you had a crush with my elementary bestfriend, with my cousin, with anyone but me. I am totally out of your league. Lagi mo na lang akong dine-deadma, ang sabi nga sa kanta. Hindi mo ako pinapansin kahit nagkakasalubong tayo. Considering the fact that we were classmates for four years but it's as if we never really knew each other. Eventhough we were classmates before, we barely talk to each other. I don't know what could possibly be your reason but mine was because you know that I like you that's why I'm keeping my distance. I don't want you to think that I'm really into you. And maybe you misinterpreted it and take it the other way---your way. It came to my ears that you said I'm "masungit." So maybe that's the reason why you didn't even bother to approach me at all. I wouldn't blame you for that. Maybe I really am. I just wished you had the guts to know the real me before judging me. Should I apologise for intimidating you?
I don't know if this is love that I'm feeling for you or this is just purely an infatuation. Or maybe, I am just in-love with the idea of falling in-love and the the possibility of you and me. Imagine! 18 years and I'm still on the stage of confusion. Maybe this really isn't love. I am just in-love with the idea of puppy love, first love, destiny and soulmate.
How I wish that you had a different name. A name that's unique and solely yours. Not the one that I always hear or read anywhere. Even if it's not you, still I can't help but see your face everytime I hear your name. Your parents could've just named you Caspian. In that case I might only see your name when I read geography books (which I doubt I would do). Unlike your name, it's too common. It's everywhere.
Remember the last time we saw each other? I was secretly waiting for you to look at me and smile. But you didn't even bother. Why did I even expect you to do that? We were always like that anyway.
If I have the capability of controlling my feelings, I wouldn't choose to have this feeling for you. But it isn't that easy. In time I know I'll get over you, I want to-I need to. Years have passed and my feeling for you remains the same. I thought I already diverted my attention to other guys but at the end of the day it's still you. I wish I could easily forget you in just a blink of an eye. Or maybe, this is not just about forgetting, it's also about acceptance.
You know what? This doesn't really matter at all. I can't say this straight to your face, but I really need to let this out 'cause I don't want to have any excess baggage anymore. I just realized, I guess it's easier to move on from a relationship break-up. It's hard to move on when there's nothing to move-on from.
I know it's inevitable that one day our eyes will meet again. I hope that when the time comes I can genuinely say to myself that I'm really over you and it won't hurt me if you don't notice me. I am praying to God that the next time our paths will cross again I hope that my feeling for you will already be gone.
Time will come that your name will just sound ordinary to me just like any other names. Time will come I won't seek for your attention anymore. You'll just be another picture to burn. Nah. Just kidding. I already burned your photo way back then. But I really didn't burn it, I cut it into tiny little pieces and threw it away. Remember that photo you gave me when we were in Grade 2, I think? I don't know why you gave it to me, though. I don't remember asking it from you. I cut it first into a heart shape then one Sunday morning I cut it into tiny, little pieces. I can't remember why. Maybe I got mad at you.
My biggest mistake wasn't falling for you, it was thinking that there might be even the slightest possibility that you'll fall for me too.
P.S
Please, don't even bother coming to my dreams. You're no longer welcome. Thanks. Have a great life.
I am not wishing that I hadn't known you cause I know it's an impossible thing to happen. I just wish I can control my feeling for you while it's still growing. It's been what? 18 years?
I unfriend you on Facebook few years back. Did you notice it? Guess you didn't. But behind that "unfriend-ing" I am secretly hoping that one of these days you'll notice it and you're gonna send me a friend request. Silly me to think that you care and you'll actually do that.
If there's one thing that I appreciate from you, it's the fact that you didn't give me even the tiniest chance that you like me back. Hindi ka pa-hopia. Kudos to that. I know you had a crush with my elementary bestfriend, with my cousin, with anyone but me. I am totally out of your league. Lagi mo na lang akong dine-deadma, ang sabi nga sa kanta. Hindi mo ako pinapansin kahit nagkakasalubong tayo. Considering the fact that we were classmates for four years but it's as if we never really knew each other. Eventhough we were classmates before, we barely talk to each other. I don't know what could possibly be your reason but mine was because you know that I like you that's why I'm keeping my distance. I don't want you to think that I'm really into you. And maybe you misinterpreted it and take it the other way---your way. It came to my ears that you said I'm "masungit." So maybe that's the reason why you didn't even bother to approach me at all. I wouldn't blame you for that. Maybe I really am. I just wished you had the guts to know the real me before judging me. Should I apologise for intimidating you?
I don't know if this is love that I'm feeling for you or this is just purely an infatuation. Or maybe, I am just in-love with the idea of falling in-love and the the possibility of you and me. Imagine! 18 years and I'm still on the stage of confusion. Maybe this really isn't love. I am just in-love with the idea of puppy love, first love, destiny and soulmate.
How I wish that you had a different name. A name that's unique and solely yours. Not the one that I always hear or read anywhere. Even if it's not you, still I can't help but see your face everytime I hear your name. Your parents could've just named you Caspian. In that case I might only see your name when I read geography books (which I doubt I would do). Unlike your name, it's too common. It's everywhere.
Remember the last time we saw each other? I was secretly waiting for you to look at me and smile. But you didn't even bother. Why did I even expect you to do that? We were always like that anyway.
If I have the capability of controlling my feelings, I wouldn't choose to have this feeling for you. But it isn't that easy. In time I know I'll get over you, I want to-I need to. Years have passed and my feeling for you remains the same. I thought I already diverted my attention to other guys but at the end of the day it's still you. I wish I could easily forget you in just a blink of an eye. Or maybe, this is not just about forgetting, it's also about acceptance.
You know what? This doesn't really matter at all. I can't say this straight to your face, but I really need to let this out 'cause I don't want to have any excess baggage anymore. I just realized, I guess it's easier to move on from a relationship break-up. It's hard to move on when there's nothing to move-on from.
I know it's inevitable that one day our eyes will meet again. I hope that when the time comes I can genuinely say to myself that I'm really over you and it won't hurt me if you don't notice me. I am praying to God that the next time our paths will cross again I hope that my feeling for you will already be gone.
Time will come that your name will just sound ordinary to me just like any other names. Time will come I won't seek for your attention anymore. You'll just be another picture to burn. Nah. Just kidding. I already burned your photo way back then. But I really didn't burn it, I cut it into tiny little pieces and threw it away. Remember that photo you gave me when we were in Grade 2, I think? I don't know why you gave it to me, though. I don't remember asking it from you. I cut it first into a heart shape then one Sunday morning I cut it into tiny, little pieces. I can't remember why. Maybe I got mad at you.
My biggest mistake wasn't falling for you, it was thinking that there might be even the slightest possibility that you'll fall for me too.
P.S
Please, don't even bother coming to my dreams. You're no longer welcome. Thanks. Have a great life.
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