Life Update

I used to be a happy kid. I used to laugh at the lamest jokes. But what happened to that kid? Where did she go?

I am not at my best as of this writing. I haven't been okay in the past decade. It tried to act okay and feel okay. But the feelings that I've been running from for the last 12 years happen to resurface now. I feel overwhelmed with everything that's been going on around me. It's true what they say, "Misery loves company." 

A lot has been going on around me lately. I feel worried about a lot of things. Family issues, identity crises and being jobless. A lot of chaos in my head. I know that life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. I know I can't be happy all the time. But I don't want to be sad anymore. This past 3 years, that's what composed the majority of my feelings. I feel so empty.

I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to feel okay again. Not happy, just okay. Not perfect, just okay. Not over the moon, just okay. Not ecstatic, just okay. I know that once I feel deeply happy, there's a chance that I'll be deeply sad. And I don't want that. I just want a calm and peaceful heart. I want to go back to my old self, who can laugh even at the lamest jokes. Why does it feel like, as we get older, we become sadder?

I know these are just feelings. They'll go away eventually. I just wish that I wasn't an overthinker. I just think that my life will be better if I don't overthink a lot of things. I wish I knew how to stop overthinking. I hope one day I can go back to my old, jolly self. I want to feel okay again. 



au revoir. 

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